


Splitting Colors

by unnbrella



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, High School, Light Angst, Modern AU, awkward Sarah, cheerleader!clem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-02-10 18:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unnbrella/pseuds/unnbrella
Summary: "Oh yeah. That's Clementine Everett. She's pretty far up there on the scale of… notoriety, I guess. She's cheer captain, and obviously the best one on the team cause she's been doing it her whole life. Plus, there was kinda that whole… situation that happened last year that really got everyone knowing her name."(High School AU in which Clementine is a cheerleader and Sarah is on the bleachers)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to a be a modern Clem/Sarah High School AU. I know there’s canonically 4 years between them, but for the sake of the logic of high school, they’re going to be closer ages to each other. So… they’re both about 17-18 years old here.

“You’ll call me if anything goes wrong, right Sarah?” asks Carlos as soon as he pulls up to the curb.

“Yes,” Sarah unbuckles her seat belt in the passenger seat.

“I mean it. If anyone says anything mean to you or even looks at you funny, you make sure you tell me, _or_ tell your teachers,” advises Carlos with concern.

“Okay, dad,” Sarah stuffs her water bottle into the backpack between her feet and zips it up, clearly more in a rush to leave than he is.

“Or if you decide to call me and I don’t answer, you can always text me too,” urges Carlos.

 _“Dad_. Can I go now?” she begs, the strap of her backpack already clasped in her hand.

“Alright. Have fun, sweetie,” he leans over the console to give her a quick peck on the cheek, a proud smile lingering on his lips. “I’ll pick you up at—"

“—3:15, got it,” adds Sarah, opening the car door. The morning sun beams down on her as she swings her backpack over her shoulder.

“I love you,” Carlos leans over to peer underneath the ceiling of the passenger side, his hands still on the wheel.

“Love you too,” she shoots him a quick smile before shutting the door behind her.

Jamming the other earphone into her ear, Sarah turns up the music on her phone before stuffing her hands in her sweater pockets, the noises of the crowded school walkway completely drowning out.

Despite trying to come into her first day at St. Richards High with a bright smile and positive attitude, she can’t help but notice the way the rest of the students already seem to be staring at her as she walks by them. Of course, what else did she expect being the new kid? She just hopes she’ll actually manage to make a friend on her first day. Not that she had planned on talking to anyone, but still, _that_ would be something.

She makes it to all of her morning classes just fine, despite the constant anxiety she’d had that she might get lost or they’d say her name wasn’t on the class list or something else ridiculous like that.

Just before lunch, all the classes are summoned to the gymnasium for the mandatory pep rally that Sarah wouldn’t exactly say she’s excited about. Her old school in Jackson was so small that they didn’t even _do_ pep rally’s. It’s something that Sarah wasn’t sure was a real thing in schools; she’d only heard about them in movies. She’s not certain what to expect, but judging by the overwhelming noise level of the entire school being in one room together, she assumes everyone’s pretty excited.

Her old school probably had about a quarter of the people here, and they were _never_ this loud. Nevertheless, Sarah manages to find a free spot in the middle of the bleachers that isn’t already taken by someone.

From the minute she’d walked into the gym, she swears not a single person even looked her way. Everyone is too preoccupied with chatting and laughing with each other, probably catching up with their friends after the long summer break. Sarah can’t relate to that feeling.

Thankfully, when someone approaches her from the aisle, she’s saved from having to appear super awkward being the only silent one amongst a crowd of rowdy teenagers.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Her gaze is met with a lanky boy with light brown hair and freckles scattered all over his face. He wears an orange plaid button-up with a white long-sleeve underneath, his bulky backpack draped over one shoulder. Out of everyone else here, he seems to look the least intimidating out of everyone, but Sarah figures that’s probably because he’s the only one that had bothered to speak to her all day.

“No, not at all,” she responds, shifting over on the bleachers so he can fit next to her.

“You’re new, right?” the boy asks after stuffing his backpack in between his feet. Sarah can hardly hear him over all the chatter.

“Yeah,” she responds, smiling politely as if it’ll cover up her embarrassment.

He scoffs. “Welcome to hell.” He adjusts himself in his seat. “I’m Duck, by the way.”

“Duck?” She almost wants to laugh.

“Yeah, I know, it’s weird. My real name is Kenny Jr. but I just go by Duck.” he explains. “Don’t ask why. It’s a long story,” he adds after noticing the girl’s confused expression.

“I won’t mention it,” Sarah chuckles. She appreciates his friendly banter. It actually makes her feel better about everything, like she’s so much less tense all of a sudden. “I’m Sarah.”

He grins. “So uh, how’s your first day so far?”

Sarah glances around the vast gymnasium, debating how honest she should be. Everyone still seems to be settling in their seats as they wait for the pep rally to start. A couple people shuffle across the bleachers in front of them and they have to squish themselves back in order to make room.

Reflecting on her day, it hasn’t been _terrible_ , but the morning had seemed to go by agonizingly slow. Sarah hadn’t realized that being in such a big school meant that everyone had their own friends already, therefore no one would even notice the new person in the room. Then again, she’s not sure if that’s considered a good thing or not.

“It’s…what I expected, I guess,” Sarah decides to say.

“Not really a talker, are you?” observes Duck with a smirk.

Sarah releases a breath and shyly brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sorry, I guess I’m just… kinda overwhelmed.”

“That’s alright. I totally get it,” he reassures. “I was the new kid _constantly_ when I was younger.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Duck nods. He leans forward in his seat, his elbows resting on his knees. He stares longingly across the gym. “It fucking sucks. But hey, if you ever need someone to show you around, I’d be more than happy to.”

“Thanks,” grins Sarah, genuinely appreciating the offer.

“No problem.”

Sarah figures since the boy is being so kind to her, she should at least try to further the conversation too. She also swears she can hear her dad’s voice in her head telling her not to be shy and to try to talk and be nice to people. “Do you…know a lot of people here?” When the words leave her mouth, she realizes it’s kind of a weird question, but she really doesn’t know what else to ask.

“Nah. I mean, I’m kind of an outsider,” comments Duck. “Like, I don’t really talk to people, I just… observe them, I guess. It’s better that way.”

Sarah ponders over that statement, suddenly reminded so much of what it was like being at her old school. “Yeah,” she agrees with a soft voice. Duck’s description of himself is something that Sarah is all too familiar with. She doesn’t bother mentioning it though.

“But I know enough to know my way around and stuff, which is kinda crucial if you wanna survive here.” continues Duck in a joking tone.

She eyes him for a moment and then casts her gaze out towards all the people in the gym. “Okay, so… if you were to observe this room,” she begins slowly, becoming curious. “What do you know?”

He straightens his posture, following Sarah’s gaze. “Well,” Duck begins, taking a dramatic breath. He gestures towards the other end of the room. “Over there in the front you got the freshmen, all sticking together. And… the seniors in the back. You know, the ones that actually bothered to show up to this pep rally.” He directs Sarah’s gaze to another part in the gym. “You got all the teachers by the wall there, the band geeks; typical, I know. The football team, and… of course, the cheerleaders.”

Sarah follows his eye line across the large space, taking her time to view over all the different crowds he had pointed out.

“Yeah, everyone really just… stays in their own groups at this school. Which is quite unfortunate.” Duck adds.

Sarah hadn’t noticed until now all the identical purple uniforms that some of the students are wearing, obviously representing their supposed school colours. The group of football players up on the ends of the bleachers all wear matching sports attire, complete with different numbers printed on their jerseys. Some of them even have black lines painted on either sides of their faces, slightly going overboard with the school spirit in Sarah’s opinion.

Mats are laid out among the gym floor, and there’s a group of girls chatting with each other and stretching in the corner by the wall. They’re all wearing purple cheerleading uniforms with short pleated skirts, white long sleeves, and the school’s logo and mascot of an Eagle printed directly on the front.

Then Sarah’s attention is caught by one of them being lifted in the air by a small group of other cheerleaders. They all hold her foot above their heads as she stands upright on one leg, the other knee raised up. The girl plants her hands on her hips, a bright smile shooting outwards. Some of the students begin cheering as she sends an enthusiastic wave to someone among the stands. A couple of the football players even whistle at the display before she hops down and is lowered to the ground again.

“And… who’s that?” asks Sarah. Even though they’re just practicing, Sarah is somehow unable to look away after the brief performative act.

“Oh yeah. That’s Clementine Everett,” answers Duck casually, clearly not as entertained as the people who had been cheering for her just now. “She’s pretty far up there on the scale of… notoriety, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, she’s… cheer captain, and obviously the best one on the team cause she’s been doing it her whole life. She’s… always the one to throw the big house parties at the beginning of the year which automatically bumps you up on the scale of being everyone’s favourite person, believe it or not.” The two of them continue to watch the girl from a distance. “Plus, there was kinda that whole… _situation_ that happened last year that really got everyone knowing her name.”

“What situation?” Sarah turns to Duck with peaked interest.

For a moment, he looks as if he’s debating whether to continue speaking or not. “Well… there was a rumour going around that she got knocked up last year,” he reveals, keeping his voice low. “But I mean, I’m not surprised. She’s probably fucked every guy on the football team by now.”

Sarah turns her head towards the girl again, not even realizing how her own jaw hangs open.

Clementine has dark hair with various curls falling out of the low bun she wears. The loose strands frame her face, as well as that absolutely captivating smile plastered on her lips. Sarah watches across the gymnasium as the girl practically skips over to someone in the bleachers. She begins stretching her arms in various positions while talking and laughing about something that Sarah can only wonder about.

“Was it true?” asks Sarah.

“Not sure,” shrugs Duck. By the tone of his voice, he doesn’t seem to really care about the answer to that. “Like I said, I don’t talk to people. I just hear things.”

When the entire room suddenly begins cheering and clapping, Sarah’s attention is then drawn to the man walking out onto the floor. He has greying hair and a beard, fully dressed in a suit and looking quite professional for a school environment. Then again, there are already so many things about this gym alone that reads as way more formal than any of Sarah’s previous schools.

She leans towards Duck, watching the man approach the podium by the stage. “Who’s that?”

“That’s Mr. Greene. He’s the principal,” informs Duck.

“Alright everyone, settle down, settle down,” Mr. Greene announces into the microphone, gesturing with his hands to quieten everyone.

A couple of boys sitting somewhere behind Sarah are hollering and fist-pumping for some reason as the rest of the room begins to die down. “Yeah, go _Greene_!” one of them shouts in a deep voice.

Sarah finds it quite comical actually, but follows the rest of the crowd and ignores them.

“Wow, thank you so much for that very warm welcome, thank you,” Mr. Greene continues. “And I welcome all of you back to a new year here at St. Richards High School. I hope you all had a wonderful and well-rested break and I’m so glad to see all of your smiling faces back at our school this year.”

He goes on to welcome all the freshmen and discusses news of all the events that are coming up this year. However, Sarah isn’t really paying attention anymore, and is instead wandering her gaze and observing everyone else in the room. Most of the students in the bleachers seem engaged, but she also notices that some are looking down at their phones and failing to be discreet about it.

It seems like forever has gone by when Mr. Greene finally decides to wrap up the inspirational speech and move on to whatever’s next. Sarah realizes the students probably hear a similar one every year.

“And now, to kick off the new year, an exciting new performance from our very own cheer team! Let’s give a big warm welcome for the St. Richards’ _Eagles_!” The man gestures dramatically out to the floor with his arm, clapping and stepping away from the podium as all the cheerleaders skip out onto the mats.

The crowd goes _wild_. The cheerleaders smile and wave to the crowd, bringing so much energy onto the floor with them that Sarah is beyond curious as to what she’s about to see. The students cheer and holler for them as they take their places among the open space. Eventually, the noise begins to die down and there’s a few moments of stillness as they all hold their poses.

Then the music starts up and everyone begins to move.

The first thing the crowd sees is Clementine being tossed multiple feet in the air in the centre of the floor. She kicks one leg to the sky in mid air, then tucks her arms in and quickly spirals back down again in one motion. The girls cleanly catch her before she hits the ground. Everyone begins to cheer.

All the while, more cheerleaders are doing multiple jumps and flips all around them. The sound of the music is energetic and fast-paced, with so many electronic sound effects layered overtop of the deafening sound. It’s definitely something that Sarah would never listen to, but everyone seems to _love_ it. Even though the music is _so_ loud, Sarah swear the crowd is even louder.

They arrange themselves into a new formation. In unison, they leap into a toe-touch, reaching a full split in the air, followed by a straight back flip. They then fan out once more among the floor.

There are now five of them being lifted with Clementine’s group back in the centre, all moving in synchronization.

Held suspended in the air by one leg, Clementine kicks her leg up and holds it by her head. The crowd erupts with more noise. She then hops onto the opposite leg, grabbing her one foot and extending it upward behind her, her legs in a full split. Releasing that foot, she then balances with her arms out and one leg extended behind her, before hopping out of it and spiraling back down to the ground. They catch her at the bottom, the other groups doing the same.

Despite the fact that there’s so much going on, and so many girls moving at once, Sarah always finds her eyes coming back to Clementine. The girl seems to be the main feature of the entire performance, often taking the front and centre position. Duck had mentioned she’s the best one on the team, and man, he _definitely_ wasn’t lying. On top of all the impressive stunts, she just has this _energy_ that she carries with her, like she’s having the best time of her life out there.

Sarah didn’t realize that cheer was so… _complex_. They never had a cheer team at her old school, so the little knowledge she’d had about it just came from movies. But all those ever portrayed were pom-poms and stuck-up girls in skirts who didn’t actually do anything but look pretty. But now watching this, ‘impressed’ is even a huge understatement. Sarah also doesn’t understand how they can have no fear being tossed so high in the air, as well as doing flips like that.

The performance wraps up with all the girls spreading out on the outer edges of the mats. At different times, they sprint across the floor in small groups and solos, jumping into various cartwheels and roundoffs. When it’s Clementine’s turn, she leaps into a roundoff and directly into a series of back handsprings, travelling in a continuous diagonal line across the floor.

The routine ends with all the girls hitting different poses. Some of them fall into a split position on the ground, while others kneel on the floor or stand with their hands on their hips. Clementine on the other hand, is lifted up in the air once more. She extends her arms out above her head triumphantly, grinning from ear to ear. Two other groups do the same on either side.

As soon as the music stops, the deafening audience erupts into more applause. Half of the football team immediately whistles and hollers loudly from the bleachers, rising to a stand and pumping their fists in the air.

Duck claps and cheers from directly next to Sarah. She does the same, although she isn’t nearly as rowdy about it as every one else seems to be.

Duck looks over to her with a wide grin. “ _Whoo_! Quite the start for your first day, hey Sarah?” he shouts over all the noise.

Sarah only chuckles in response, amused at his enthusiasm. She watches from above as all the cheerleaders prance out of the gym.

Mr. Greene begins announcing something into the microphone over the sound of the roaring crowd. However Sarah is hardly paying attention, because all she can do is wonder what exactly it is about that girl that seems so interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a youtube video that somewhat resembles what the cheer routine would have looked like. I understand that this is footage from a competition and logically a high school team would never be as advanced as this, but it just gives you an idea of what cheer actually looks like, if any of you are interested. I also aim to upload some drawings for this story as future chapters come out.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdvyIhgKZFU


	2. Chapter 2

“Homework on the first day?” Carlos looks over his shoulder at his daughter, poking a spatula into the pan on the stove.

Sarah sits by the island in the kitchen with a pencil in hand and a paper in front of her. She can clearly smell the food on the stove, the sound of something sizzling making her even more hungry. “It’s just a questionnaire thing. So the teacher can get to know us,” she informs without looking up.

“Hm. Doesn’t seem very efficient,” observes Carlos.

“It’s not. You don’t ever _actually do_ anything on the first day of school. You just sit there for the entire period while the teacher talks about them self and tells you all the things you’re expected to do throughout the semester,” says Sarah as she continues to fill out the blanks on the page in front of her.

“I see,” mumbles Carlos. “Sounds like it was a pretty easy day then.”

“I guess so,” she twists her lips in thought. “I’m still gonna get ahead on some reading though so I don’t have to do it later.”

Noticing the stack of textbooks on the counter next to her, Carlos smirks at his daughter’s determination. “So, did you make any new friends?”

“Um, I made one friend,” answers Sarah, not entirely proud of the low number. Still, it’s kind of better than she’d expected.

“Am I going to be meeting this friend any time soon?” Carlos sprinkles a variety of seasoning into the pan, stirring up the contents once more.

“Dad, it’s only been one day,” reminds Sarah. “He just showed me around the school, that’s all. Doesn’t mean that we’re best friends already.”

“I know, I’m just excited for you, that’s all,” he reasons. A few moments of silence pass by. “That was nice of him, to show you around.”

“Yeah, he’s nice,” agrees Sarah.

“What’s his name?”

“Well… his name is Kenny Jr., but he said he just goes by Duck.” Sarah pushes in the end of her mechanical pencil with her thumb.

“That’s a bit of an odd name,” comments Carlos as he walks to the other end of the kitchen and opens one of the cupboards.

Sarah chuckles, recalling how the boy had introduced himself. “Yeah, it is.”

The man pulls out two empty plates, placing them on the counter in front of him. “Did you talk to anyone else at all?”

The girl inhales deeply, thinking he’ll be disappointed in the answer for some reason. “No. No one ever wants to talk to the new girl.”

“Why not?” Carlos asks as if her statement is ridiculous.

“Because everyone already has their own friends,” she explains, recalling how out of place she’d felt when she first walked into that gymnasium.

“So? That doesn’t mean they can’t include you.” Turning off the stove, he empties the contents of the pan onto the two plates.

“It’s not a big deal, dad,” says Sarah, genuinely meaning it. She knows all her dad wants is for her to make friends at her new school, but he doesn’t understand that sometimes it’s just not that easy. People don’t just come up to her and say ‘hi’ and automatically they’re friends for life. “I wouldn’t want someone just barging into my friend group like that, either.”

“Well, I’m sure they’ll change their minds eventually,” Carlos grins reassuringly while placing a full plate of food in front of her. “It’s only the first day, after all.”

Sarah drops her pencil and lifts her gaze, smiling warmly at her father. “Thanks, dad.” For the words, _and_ for the food.

 

* * *

_3 days later_

Sarah sits against the pillows of her bed, her one hand holding a novel and the other holding a hot mug of tea. Her headphones are plugged into her phone as she reads in silence, a mellow tune playing through the device on low volume. The lamp on her bedside table is switched on, illuminating the dark bedroom. She’d always preferred to end her evenings like this. It’s quite calming for her.

When her phone starts ringing through her headphones, she digs through the blankets to find it. Sarah reads the screen as it vibrates in her hand, seeing Duck’s name. She disconnects the headphones then holds the device against her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sarah,” Duck’s friendly voice greets her on the other side.

“Hey,” she smiles at the familiar voice, kind of surprised he had called her. Sarah closes the book and extends her legs on the bed. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much. I was just helping my dad outside with his truck,” he tells her. “Anyway, there’s gonna be a big party next Saturday and I was wondering if you wanted to come.”

Sarah creases her brows, shocked that he’d actually asked that. No one’s ever invited her to a party before. The idea of going to one even seems a little frightening, and the thought of who might be there is even more so. “At… Clementine’s house?” Sarah assumes. She remembers how Duck had told her that Clementine was the one that threw all the parties at school.

“Yeah, her parents are always out of town around this time of year so she gets the whole place to herself. She made a post about it on Facebook.” answers Duck, sounding pretty excited about it.

Of course Sarah didn’t know about it, she doesn’t _have_ a Facebook. She realizes she’s probably the only one at school that doesn’t and she wonders what else she could be getting left out of. Not that she would ever use it anyway, but still.

“I thought you said you don’t talk to people,” questions Sarah. From what Duck had told her about himself, he really did not seem like a party person.

“Yeah, but doesn’t mean I don’t like to drink,” scoffs the boy, as if it is obvious. “Besides, it’s not like anyone’s gonna know we’re there. We could just hang out in the back and judge everyone or something. It’ll be fun.”

“Are we even invited?” asks Sarah. She really can’t imagine herself being a part of something so social.

He chuckles into the phone, as if her question is ridiculous. “The whole _school’s_ invited.”

Sarah raises her eyebrows, adjusting the blankets in her lap. “Must be a big house,” she mumbles, imagining how crowded it would be there. She wonders what it’s like to be friends with so many people that you don’t even need to bother with invitations.

“Yep. If it’s anything like _last_ year’s party, it’s gonna be pretty great,” Duck chirps. “But hey, no pressure though. I totally get it if you don’t wanna come. I just thought it’d be fun if you did.”

“No, I—” Sarah interjects before even thinking. “It… actually might be kinda fun,” she decides. Just because she’s never been to a party, doesn’t mean that this can’t be her first one. Besides, it could be a great way for her to make some more friends. _That’ll_ make her dad happy.

“Really?” asks Duck, sounding surprised.

Sarah ponders over it for a few moments. “Yeah. Yeah, sure. I’ll come,” she confirms, beginning to feel a thrill. Duck is right. She’s sure it’ll be fun. What’s the worst that could happen? “I’ll just… tell my dad I’m going to a friend’s house. I’m sure he’ll let me go.”

“I mean, technically that’s not lying, right?” Duck points out.

Sarah chuckles softly. “Well, it kinda is. She’s not exactly my friend.”

“So what? He doesn’t know that,” says Duck. “Besides, _I’m_ your friend and you’re going with me so… it’ll be fine.”

“You’re right… Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Sarah beams, although she’s unsure whether she’s trying to convince herself or Duck.

Still, something about knowing that Clementine is going to be there makes Sarah that much more excited.


	3. Chapter 3

By some miracle, Carlos had actually allowed Sarah to leave the house tonight. She could’ve never told him that it was a huge house party with actual alcohol and boys there. No, she’d told him she was going to someone named Clementine’s house, and that she could walk there because it wasn’t too far, which isn’t a lie.

Carlos had insisted ‘this Clementine girl’ meet Sarah so they can walk back together, because he would never allow his daughter to walk anywhere alone. Thankfully, he ended up having to work tonight and hadn’t been there to make sure Sarah actually had an attendant.

In reality, she’d walked to the place by herself and met Duck just outside.

There are a couple of people lingering outside in the grass and on the front porch, but thankfully she finds Duck before she has to walk past any of them. The pounding bass of the music from inside can be heard from where they are.

When Sarah follows Duck through the front doors of the house, her mouth turns agape. With a twinge of fear and a racing heart, her wide eyes are met with dozens of rowdy people all dancing and laughing as they crowd around each other throughout the main floor of the house. The blaring music is nearly deafening as it pounds into her ears.

Pretty much every person has some sort of drink in their hand, and Sarah can’t help but notice how all the girls seem to be wearing clothes that hardly cover up their bodies at all. Suddenly feeling so much more self conscious about wearing only jeans and a t-shirt, she’s thankful for the fact that no one seemed to notice when her and Duck walked in because every one is so preoccupied with themselves.

If it weren’t for all the empty red cups and bright streamers that litter the ground, Sarah would say that this house is actually very beautiful. It’s definitely a lot bigger than any place she’s ever lived in, and the grand double doors and chandelier that hangs above the living room makes it hard for Sarah to believe that Clementine actually lives here.

Sarah almost doesn’t hear when Duck shouts something next to her, practically screaming over all the noise. “I’m gonna get a drink, you wanna come?”

“Sure,” Sarah shouts back, leaning closer to him so he can hear. “I’ll follow you.” She definitely isn’t the one to drink on any occasion. She’s never even _had_ a drink before, let alone been to a real party, but she figures she’ll follow him anyway so she isn’t left standing awkwardly at the front doors.

The two of them push through the crowd of people with Sarah desperately trying to keep up with Duck while also trying not to trip on anyone’s feet. She doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, but she can still feel some people’s eyes lingering on her as she mumbles ‘excuse me’ multiple times. She couldn’t feel more out of place.

When they finally emerge from the crowd and reach the kitchen area, Sarah feels like she can somewhat breathe again. It’s slightly less crowded in this area, and the music isn’t as loud, but it all still feels uncomfortable.

Duck offers to pour her a drink in which Sarah politely declines, but he doesn’t waste a moment in preparing one for himself. She can see how much more comfortable he seems to be here compared to her, but then again, he did say he’s been to a couple of these parties before.

The only party she had ever been to besides birthday parties was at a wedding once, but now she’s not even sure if that would be considered one after seeing this place. There had been alcohol and dancing there too, but it wasn’t dark and loud or anything, and it definitely wasn’t scary.

While waiting for Duck, Sarah attempts to subtly scan the people around her, almost feeling too shy to be looking at anyone. She’d been beginning to think there was no one here that she recognized from school, but then her eyes catch sight of a couple of girls wearing amazingly short skirts a distance away, laughing and chatting to a couple of boys in the crowd.

Sarah has a few different classes with them. Their names are Becca and Natalie, if she remembers correctly. Sarah also recognizes them from the cheer routine at the pep rally.

She wonders if she should try flashing them a smile or something, and maybe they’ll know she’s a nice person. Maybe they’ll want to be friends with her. However, Sarah suddenly stumbles forward when she feels someone aggressively bump into her from behind and a splash of something cold spills onto her shoulder.

“Hey, watch where you’re going, asshole!” A female voice shouts from nearby as Sarah regains her footing.

Momentarily grimacing at the spilled beer that’s now soaked into her shirt, Sarah is too preoccupied to pay attention to the chorus of laughter around her. She doesn’t look up until she notices the figure standing next to her a few moments later.

“I’m sorry about that, Dustin gets kinda carried away when he’s drunk.”

“Oh, don’t worry about…” Sarah’s words die on her lips once she recognizes the familiar face of the person there.

Clementine Everett is standing directly in front of her, _talking_ to her and actually acknowledging her existence. She has one of those red cups in her hand and is glaring past Sarah’s shoulder, presumably at the guy that had just absentmindedly run into her and then stumbled away.

It isn’t until Sarah finds herself unable to finish her sentence that the other girl meets eyes with her for the first time.

A part of Sarah knew it before, but now that she’s standing face to face with Clementine, she just seems like one of those people that when she walks down the hallway, it’s like people will clear a path for her. Honestly, Sarah would be surprised if that doesn’t actually happen.

Sarah almost doesn’t even recognize her with the heavy eye makeup and black choker around her neck. It’s also quite dark where they are. She’d gotten used to seeing her in her cheer uniform, so the lacy white tank top she wears and red flannel tied around her waist kind off takes Sarah off guard, although she does seem to be one of the few girls here that is actually dressed somewhat decent. The purple baseball cap is also something that Sarah hadn’t expected to see her wearing, but it suits her nonetheless.

“Uh… it—it’s fine, really,” Sarah stammers, chuckling softly in an attempt to appear less awkward. She pretends not to notice the two girls from earlier trying to hide their stares and laughter. They had obviously seen what happened, and Sarah swears her cheeks are on fire at that moment.

Clementine doesn’t even seem to notice Sarah’s discomfort and proceeds to roll her eyes at her obvious annoyance with what just happened. “Seriously, it’s like people forget what decency means as soon as they get one fucking drink in them.”

“It’s no big deal,” insists Sarah, hating how much attention had just been drawn to herself. “People bump into me all the time,” she says it as if it is a joke, even though it’s far from one.

Clementine sighs exasperatedly, meeting Sarah’s eyes once more.

Sarah can practically feel the girl’s eyes scanning over her, which only causes her insecurity to rise.

“Do you want another shirt? I can go grab one from upstairs.”

“Oh, no thank you,” Sarah looks down at her stained top once more, only declining because she doesn’t want to cause a hassle. “It’s just a little bit of beer. It’ll dry up.”

Clementine releases a breath of laughter at that, her gentle smile absolutely captivating Sarah for some reason. “You’re… Sarah, right? The new girl?”

Glancing down at the ground, Sarah finds it hard to believe that someone here besides Duck actually knows her name, let alone Clementine of all people. A part of Sarah is surprised, but her and Clementine _do_ actually have a couple of classes together, now that she thinks about it. Sarah just never thought that Clem knew she existed. Plus, Sarah practically sticks out like a sore thumb in their school just because she’s new.

“Yeah,” grins Sarah. “That’s me.”

“Clementine,” the other girl introduces herself with a grin.

Sarah doesn’t bother mentioning that she already knew her name. She wonders if Clem knows how often people seem to talk about her.

“Well again I’m really sorry, Sarah,” she apologizes, her eyes sparkling in the light. “Hopefully that asshole doesn’t go spilling _more_ drinks on people,” she mutters while placing her hands on her hips, gazing about the rowdy room once more.

With her entire body feeling frozen, Sarah only swallows the dry lump in her throat. However, she’s saved from having to think of something to say next when a group of kids by the dining table begin to beckon Clementine over, their shouts filling the room.

Clementine looks over her shoulder at them, then faces Sarah apologetically. “I’ll see you around, alright?”

Sarah merely nods in response and watches as Clementine flashes her one last smirk before turning to leave. Sarah stares after her, the other girl practically skipping over to the bottle-littered table and laughing at something someone had said, their voices too far away for Sarah to understand.

“So, what was that all about?”

Sarah practically jumps out of the daze she hadn’t known she was in when Duck suddenly speaks from behind her.

She whips around, releasing a breath. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he steps back, drink in hand. “I just didn’t wanna interrupt you guys.”

Sarah purses her lips, feeling awkward again. “It’s okay.”

“I saw that guy bump into you. You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she absentmindedly brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “And… that’s all we were talking about. The guy, I mean.”

Duck nods, gesturing to somewhere behind Sarah. “So, what’d you think about her?”

She looks over her shoulder, following his gaze. Her eyes land on Clementine a distance away who’s currently talking and laughing with a group of people, completely oblivious to their eyes. “She’s nice,” decides Sarah. “I don’t know why people say all those things about her.”

“Yeah well, sometimes all it takes is just hanging around the wrong people,” mutters Duck.

They continue to observe from a distance just as Clementine raises a shot glass to her lips, throwing her head back. The surrounding group of people all begin to cheer and clap. She scrunches up her face, stumbling backwards a little before laughing once more. Sarah doesn’t miss the way one of the boys linger a little too close to her.

Acknowledging her radiating smile, Clementine seems really… happy. Like she’s having the time of her life when she’s around other people. It reminds Sarah of the way she had looked when they’d performed their cheer routine.

How can someone just fit in so easily? Clem probably never even _had_ to worry about feeling left out. She’s probably got her whole life figured out by now.

Sarah could never be like that.

Watching the girl from a distance, she looks so pretty with her makeup like that, and her outfit…

“Anyway, it’s not my fucking business,” Duck continues as the group continues to yell and cheer in the background. “You wanna find somewhere quieter to hang out? I’m already getting a headache from all these people.”

“Yeah… me too.” She brushes off her thoughts, following Duck with her head hung low.

Twenty minutes later, they find themselves sitting at the top of the staircase, almost completely hidden behind the railings. They’re still not entirely away from the crowd, but it does seem to give them a sense of protection up there.

When Duck had told Sarah they’d be sitting in the back and judging people, that’s pretty close to what they end up doing. Although, it’s more just Duck talking to Sarah about everyone and telling stories about things that have previously happened at their school while Sarah only listens. She enjoys it nevertheless. It makes her feel good knowing that someone is actually putting effort into being her friend.

When Duck eventually leaves to go to the bathroom, Sarah absolutely despises the feeling of being left alone at a party, even if it’s only for two minutes.

She’s almost thankful when she hears someone nearby calling her name.

“Hey, Sarah!”

Sarah snaps her gaze up from her lap and meets eyes with a couple of girls looking up at her from the bottom of the stairs, both wearing bright smiles on their faces. It takes her a minute to realize that they’re actually talking to her and not someone else named Sarah. She recognizes them from earlier, the ones from the cheer team, the ones she had thought about smiling to. They must be friends with Clementine. Why on earth are they talking to _her_?

“Clem said she was looking for you earlier,” says the blonde one, Natalie. Her cheerful voice clearly overpowers Sarah’s own.

Sarah creases her brows in intrigue. “She was?” Wait, _Clementine_?

“Yeah, she told us if we saw you to tell you that she’ll be upstairs,” informs Becca, her brown curls practically bouncing with every word.

“Yeah, I think she wanted to ask you something.”

Sarah rises to a stand and looks behind her up the rest of the stairs, still confused. “Where?”

“Her room is at the end of the hallway, on the right.” The blonde makes a couple of gestures with her finger, her smile practically radiating.

Sarah glances back once more before forcing herself to smirk back at them. “Thanks.”

Hesitantly, she glances behind her while making her way up the rest of the stairs, hoping no one would see her for some reason.

It’s completely dead upstairs, with only the muffled sound of the party coming from below. There seems to be no one up here, and that makes Sarah even more confused as to why Clementine would be. Maybe she just wanted to be away from the party too? Clementine did seem to enjoy talking to her for the brief amount of time that they did earlier, so maybe she just wanted someone to be with her? She can’t imagine what it is that Clementine would want to ask her, though.

As questions only continue to pile up in her mind, Sarah eventually finds enough courage to bring herself to the half-open door at the end of the hallway.

She pushes it open the rest of the way, hoping this is the right one. When she enters, Clementine is nowhere to be found, however it is definitely her bedroom. The lamp is turned on in the corner of the room, casting a dim light and creating a sort of serene atmosphere.

Sarah can hardly hear anything from downstairs anymore and a part of her is relieved from no longer having to listen to that pounding music.

She glances back down the hallway, then into the room again. Figuring that Clementine is only a little late to meeting her here, she decides to take a step further in with a wandering gaze.

It looks like any regular teenager’s room, with a large un-made bed in the corner as well as a dresser, desk and bookshelf. There are a few articles of clothing littering the floor, but it’s still a really pretty room. It even has a bench seat positioned underneath the large window. Sarah can also see a door at the other end of the room that leads into a bathroom, amazed that Clementine actually has one of her own attached to her room.

A part of her feels bad for being in here, but Clementine did invite her here, didn’t she? So it’s not like she’s intruding. She thinks that maybe she should go back to the party, however she finds herself being practically drawn further into the room without even noticing it.

She examines the gold and silver trophies that sit on top of the dresser in the meantime. She reads the labels, learning that all of them had been won from cheer competitions over the years.

Continuing along the dress, she eyes the various picture frames of Clementine and her friends. She notices one in particular that had presumably been taken at a cheer performance. They’re in a baseball field with a group of cheerleaders at the bottom of the picture, and Clementine is being lifted in the air above their heads, her leg held up to her face as she wears a huge smile on her lips.

Duck _did_ mention that Clem had been doing cheer her whole life, but Sarah didn’t know that she actually competed on a team. She wonders what that must be like.

Clementine seems to really love doing cheer. Sarah almost grins at that, but instead whips her head towards the door when she hears someone giggling from down the hallway. She swears her heart may have just stopped.

She freezes where she is, listening for who it might be. Within moments, she realizes the sound of shuffling footsteps are coming right for this room, getting louder by the second. Suddenly reminded that she shouldn’t exactly be here right now, she does the only thing she can think of and sprints towards the closet.

A couple of figures burst in just as Sarah closes the door behind her, the suddenness of their voices making her heart pound through her ears. She hears the bedroom door lock behind them, the room becoming so much quieter and darker.

It’s pitch black in here, but Sarah is still able to see through the wooden slats in the closet door with obscured vision.

One of the people in the room is Clementine, and Sarah recognizes the other as the boy downstairs who had been standing really close to her. He’s wearing a blue jacket and an orange beanie, his brown hair peeking out from underneath. What is _he_ doing here?

Wait… why would Clementine ask her to come here if she was going to be with someone else?

The two of them are laughing and murmuring words to each other that Sarah is too stunned to make out, their voices hushed as if they don’t want anyone to hear.

Next thing Sarah knows, he’s pushing her down onto the bed and she’s giggling continuously.

Sarah’s eyes widen at the sight before her.

Completely paralyzed, she can only stare with sheer panic as he runs his hand along her body, kissing her neck and causing her to make noises that Sarah _never_ thought she’d ever want to hear from anyone ever.

God, is she _drunk_? The idea of him touching her like that while even slightly intoxicated makes Sarah shudder.

“What if someone hears us?” Clementine giggles. Her breath hitches.

Not even wanting to hear whatever it is he may have said to her, Sarah looks away. Her eyes are met with nothing but blackness in the tiny closet she’d somehow found herself trapped in. She can feel various objects crowding around her feet, and clothes hanging somewhere behind her. The sounds of their kissing makes Sarah begin to sweat.

She shouldn’t be here, she shouldn’t be here, she definitely _shouldn’t_ be here.

Wishing she could completely rip out her ears at that point, the guilt feels like it’s continuously stabbing at her with every passing moment. A huge part of her is just screaming about how disrespectful it is to be listening in on them like that, but it’s not like she had a choice. She didn’t even have time to think. What else was she supposed to do? And she can’t just walk out there now and risk them seeing her. She doesn’t even want to think about what they would say if they saw her.

They’re only kissing, but Sarah prays that that’s all they’re going to do, at least until she finds some way to get the hell out of here. Sarah doesn’t know how long it is until she hears Clementine’s breathy voice again. It was probably only two seconds, but it felt like forever.

“Wait, wait, stop.”

Sarah’s heart jumps once more, both worry and hope gripping onto her.

“What about protection?” she asks, panting.

God, Sarah _wishes_ this could just be over.

“I thought you had one,” he says.

“Ugh, hold on,” Clementine groans with annoyance, pushing him off. “There might be some in my parents’ room.”

Sarah watches wide-eyed as the other girl stands, heading towards the door. She doesn’t miss the way Clementine momentarily stumbles and leans into the doorframe before vanishing into the brightly lit hallway.

The boy sighs heavily.

With the room suddenly dead silent, Sarah is too afraid to even breathe out of fear of being discovered.

At that moment, she wishes she could literally melt away into the darkness as her mind scrambles for an explanation. Clementine hadn’t called for her to come here. Of course she didn’t. Why would she? Those girls had lied to her in order to get Sarah up here. They _knew_ this was going to happen. They knew Clementine would be here with that guy and they wanted to, what? Make her jealous? Humiliate her? She knew it was too good to be true.

God, how could she be so _stupid_? Absolutely loathing herself, tears begin to well in her eyes and the room she’s in suddenly feels so much smaller. She just has to get out of here. She needs space to breathe.

Noticing that the boy had gone into the bathroom, Sarah carefully peeks her head out from behind the door. She can see him brushing his hands through his own hair in the mirror, clearly too preoccupied with his own reflection to notice her.

Gently closing the closet door behind her, Sarah manages to scurry out of the room and back the way she came without a sound.

She rushes down the hallway with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her pace quickening by the second. The noises of the party down below gradually reach her ears again and she suddenly finds it so much harder to breathe.

What kind of person does that? And why on earth did Sarah even believe them? She _saw_ the way those girls were laughing at her earlier when that guy pushed her, and they saw her talking to Clementine too. Sarah wanted to believe that maybe they weren’t laughing at her at all, and that when they’d said ‘hi’ to her on the stairs, they actually meant it to be friendly. But of course, why would anyone want to be friendly to her? She’s invisible, she always has been. And all people ever want to do is find some way to push her in the dirt.

She can’t stay at this party for another minute.

Sarah finds herself practically running down the stairs as the blaring music and chatter sounds in all directions. It’s the last kind of atmosphere she wants to be in right now.

“Hope you enjoyed the show, pervert,” Sarah hears a female voice call to her from somewhere on the steps as she walks by.

A ripple of laughter erupts among the lingering crowd, and she ignores when one of the boys begin to imitate disturbing sex noises from behind her.

It does nothing to slow her pace. It only makes her run faster, and she doesn’t bother to look up. She already knows who said it. Sarah’s heart feels as if it’s shattering just from their mocking voices, the taunting sounds of it reverberating in her head.

The tears finally spill down Sarah’s cheeks as she bursts out the front doors and refuses to look behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to some drawings I did for this story that I've posted on my tumblr. https://belanote.tumblr.com/post/184606259283/a-sketchdump-of-cheerleaderclem-from-my

Sarah looks up from her food once she notices someone else setting their tray in front of her. “Are you gonna tell me where you ran off to at the party?” asks Duck in a level tone as he takes a seat across from her at the cafeteria table. The sound of dispersed chatter can be heard throughout the vast room.

She stops aimlessly swirling her spoon through her lunch, realizing that she still hadn’t told him what happened.

Of course, after Sarah had burst out of the front doors crying, Duck had texted her multiple times that night after the party, asking where she was. About an hour later, she responded and told him she was fine and just went home. She also told him not to worry and that he should just go home too. However she didn’t explain why. And that was all she had said to him throughout the entire weekend.

Sarah sighs, feeling awful all over again. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left without telling you.” She’d felt really bad about it all weekend. Even though she hadn’t responded to any of his messages yesterday, she realizes that she really shouldn’t have left him wondering like that. He must have been pretty worried.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad,” reassures Duck. “I just… you know, wanna make sure you’re okay.”

Even though it’s a comment that Sarah would normally smile at, all she can do is look away. Her hands come up to wrap around her arms as she stares at the ground. That familiar feeling of shame and embarrassment that she had felt at the party suddenly rushes back to her.

“Did something happen?” Duck finally asks with concern upon noticing the girl’s discomfort.

She wants to tell him, but she hadn’t even told her _dad_ anything about the party. Well, nothing that wasn’t a lie. She’d told him that Clementine walked her home because Carlos would’ve flipped if he knew that Sarah was walking alone at night. If he knew she had come home crying, Carlos would’ve assumed that Clementine was the one that did something, so it’s not like she could’ve told him the truth.

She knows it was pretty unfair of her to just leave Duck like that when he had been the one she arrived there with, but Sarah had pretty much buried herself in bed all weekend, she felt so bad. Honestly, she wishes she could be doing just that right now.

She was just _so_ humiliated. There is no way that anyone is going to want to talk to her after finding out what Sarah ‘supposedly’ did, _especially_ not Clementine. God, and the way everyone had been laughing at her as she walked out, and making those _awful_ sex noises behind her, as if she was invisible to them. As if her feelings didn’t even matter. How could anyone be so mean?

Yeah, Sarah is really in no place to relive that right now.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbles.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Duck raises his hands in acceptance. His tone is comforting. “We can talk about something else.”

“Thanks,” says Sarah.

They move on to chat about everything that isn’t related to the party as they eat their lunches together - mostly about school projects and their home lives. She enjoys talking to him, mostly because he’s really the _only_ person at this school that speaks to her. She appreciates it nonetheless, as well as how understand he’s being about all of this. Sarah is just happy to finally have her mind taken off of the party.

Fifteen minutes later, Duck crumples up his napkin and throws it onto his now empty tray. “Well. Gotta start studying for the physics test I have in twenty minutes.” He grabs his tray and rises to a stand.

“Yeah, I gotta grab a couple things from my locker,” adds Sarah as she also begins to pack up her things. She figures she might as well get some reading done until the lunch break is over.

“I’ll see you around, alright?” says Duck as Sarah swings her backpack over her shoulders.

“Have fun,” Sarah advises jokingly, smiling as he leaves.

She strides through the noisy and crowded cafeteria, returning her empty tray to the counter. As she makes her way back, she catches sight of Clementine and a bunch of her friends sitting at one of the tables a short distance away. Becca and Natalie are next to her, as well as three other people that Sarah doesn’t recognize.

She swears her heart momentarily stops beating at the sight of her. All Sarah can see is Clementine and that boy, and what they were doing in that bedroom. She can even _hear_ the way Clementine’s voice had sounded…

Shuddering and hating herself even more than she already did, Sarah forces the thought out of her mind and continues walking.

By the time Sarah had noticed them, it had been too late to turn around without making it obvious. So, she continues to pass by as fast as possible with her chin lowered. She hopes none of them will notice her, but she isn’t so lucky.

“Hey, Sarah.”

Sarah practically freezes like a statue when she hears Becca’s obnoxious voice coming from behind her.

“We lost you at the party on Saturday,” she comments.

Sarah turns around slowly, her shoulders so tense that they’re practically touching her ears. She mentally kicks herself for not just continuing to walk. Now it’s too late. They’ve already acknowledged each other, now Sarah _has_ to stay and listen to what they have to say.

“Yeah, you left kind of early,” says Natalie.

 _Like you care_.

Sarah’s gaze wanders in every direction except for Clementine’s, completely avoiding her eyes. She can practically _feel_ the other girl just watching her as she sits there silently. “I…” begins Sarah, starting to panic.

“What’s the matter?” continues Becca. Her tone couldn’t be more fake. “You look like you’re gonna cry.”

Sarah only responds to her with a hard stare, remembering how they had made her cry at that party. She knows that Becca is just trying to push her buttons. It’s like they just want Sarah to admit everything in front of Clem. She’s only _acting_ like she cares right now, and for what? Why are they torturing her like this? Didn’t they do that enough already?

Both ends of the conversation are just _so_ aware of Clementine sitting right there in the middle, and if _one_ little bit of information slips out, she’s going to find out what happened. So instead, Sarah chooses not to say anything. She can’t. She physically can’t.

With her pulse pounding in her ears, Sarah accidentally meets eyes with Clem. The girl is just barely creasing her brows at her, her brown eyes searching Sarah for an explanation.

Oh god. Clementine is looking at her. And she knows something’s wrong. She’s going to start asking questions. Sarah needs to say something right now, _anything_ , or else she’s only going to seem more suspicious.

“What’s going on?” Clementine finally asks no one in particular, noticing Sarah’s uneasiness and Becca’s odd tone.

Becca glares pointedly at Sarah. “Do _you_ wanna tell her?”

Sarah glances continuously between all of them. No. No, she does not want to tell her. “I—I just… it was pretty late…” she stammers, attempting to explain.

The boys at the table are snickering underneath their breaths, but Sarah is too disoriented to notice.

“Sarah, are you okay?” Clementine presses her eyebrows together. Her gentle voice is drenched with concern, her volume lowering in the slightest as if Sarah is the only one that was meant to hear.

Natalie sighs exasperatedly, clearly not having any of it. “Sarah was _spying_ on you and Gabe. _Doing_ it in your bedroom,” she states bluntly.

“What? N— _no_! No, it wasn’t like that!” protests Sarah, her volume rising in defense.

Clementine’s eyes widen so slightly that it’s hardly even noticeable. It looks like she may have stopped breathing, but Sarah is unsure. Clem doesn’t say anything, she only stares at Sarah with an expression that’s completely unreadable.

Oh god, it feels like her body is slowly being crushed into a tighter and tighter space, and her limbs are shaking so much because of it and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. “I—I _swear_ , I didn’t… I wasn’t spying on you. I didn’t know.” Sarah directly tells Clem, hoping with everything she has that she’ll believe her.

“You knew it was her room, didn’t you?” jabs Becca.

With her breath panting, Sarah glances continuously between them and Clementine.

She looks confused, like she’s piecing everything together in her head. She isn’t looking at Sarah anymore, and Sarah can’t tell if Clementine is mad or not. Why isn’t she saying anything? God, she just has _no_ idea what Clem is thinking right now.

Sarah knows she need to learn how to stand up for herself, or else things will just end up getting so bad that she’ll eventually have to move schools again. The thought alone terrifies her. She tries to muster together all the strength she has. “W—well, yeah, but—” babbles Sarah. Her eyes are welling up with tears.

“Then I’m sure you knew perfectly well what was going to happen.”

Sarah resists the urge to actually ball her fists up at that moment. She’s just _so_ frustrated and hurt that she can’t even form any further words. And these girls are doing it to her on purpose, and enjoying every second of it. The worst part is that they’re not even giving her a proper chance to explain herself. It’s especially hard when there’s at least five pairs of eyes just watching her, and she can just _tell_ that they’re all laughing at her behind those stares.

Just like everyone always does.

“You _told_ me to go in there!” huffs Sarah, her volume raised.

“ _What_?” Clem snaps her gaze towards Becca with an appalled expression. It turns suddenly quiet among the group. “Why would you tell her that?” she chides, glaring hard at the other girl.

Sarah walks away crying before Clementine even realizes.

Completely forgetting about Becca, Clem stares after the other girl with hurt in her eyes, watching her race out of the cafeteria. It’s uncomfortably silent around the table after that, with only Clementine’s rage felt among the group.

“What the _fuck_ , Becca?” she rises to a stand, her voice harsh.

“Calm down. It was just a joke, Clem,” she reasons, a chuckle hidden underneath her words. Becca raises her hands up in defense as if the other girl is overreacting.

Clem can’t understand how she could really be laughing right now.

“Yeah, we didn’t think she would actually do it,” Natalie adds.

Clementine can’t even listen to them try to defend themselves right now. She _knows_ they don’t mean that. She shakes her head, ignoring all the eyes at the table that are now focused on her. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” she mutters under her breath before turning to leave.

* * *

Clementine hadn’t seen where Sarah went, but she thinks she has a pretty good idea of where someone in this school might go to cry. There aren’t many places she could be that isn’t completely out in the open. Still, she peers down every hallway she passes just to be sure, but there’s no sign of the girl.

As Clem strides into the girls’ washroom, she doesn’t care that she’s drawing attention to herself by walking so fast. She just has to make sure Sarah’s okay. She can’t let her cry and not try to do anything about it, especially knowing that Becca clearly isn’t going to care enough about it any time soon.

There doesn’t seem to be anyone in here at first glance, but Clem stops in the centre of the room and listens anyway.

After a few silent moments, she hears someone sniffling from behind one of the stall doors. She slowly walks along them, finally stopping at the farthest one.

“Sarah?” she says softly.

The whimpering stops after that, but Clementine knows that Sarah’s in there.

“Are you okay?” she asks when there’s no response.

“I’m fine,” the girl sniffles once more.

Clem can tell that she’s trying to make her voice sound normal, but she can hear how broken it really is.

Staring at the stall door, then at the ground, Clementine contemplates what to say. She really doesn’t want to be bothering the girl right now, especially if she just wants some space, but she couldn’t live with herself knowing that she’d be crying alone in there otherwise. _Nobody_ wants that. “I’m… sorry about Becca,” Clem finally says. “She can be… a bit of a bitch sometimes.”

When there’s no answer, Clem feels like the other girl may not want to talk right now, but her heart lifts in the slightest when she finally hears Sarah’s voice again after what feels like forever.

“You’re not… you’re not mad at me?” Sarah asks, her voice small and quiet.

Clementine almost wants to chuckle at that because of how ridiculous it is. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because… because of what I did,” she admits. “I shouldn’t have been in that room.”

Heat rises to Clementine’s face from the reminder. She’s definitely not happy about what apparently happened, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little embarrassed. It’s not like she wanted someone to walk in on a private moment or anything, but then she remembers how the other girl must be feeling, and how much worse it must be for her. It’s not Sarah fault. Clem just has to remind herself that.

Clementine sighs deeply, remembering everything that had just been said in the cafeteria. “It’s _them_ that I’m mad at. Not you.”

“Really?” Sarah speaks up.

“Yes,” responds Clem. “Now can you please come out here so I can see you?”

A few silent moments pass by. Eventually, Clementine hears the door unlocking and Sarah hesitantly swings it open, revealing herself. She steps out slowly, the door creaking behind her.

Clementine can tell the girl had been crying. Her eyes and nose are red, and she’s insecurely looking at Clem’s feet rather than her eyes.

“She told me you wanted to ask me something. And… and that you would be there,” Sarah explains, hugging her arms.

Clementine just watches her for a moment while piecing together what happened. She realizes she’s not entirely surprised that Becca and Natalie would’ve done something like that. Her eyes then flicker away awkwardly. “You didn’t, um… you didn’t see anything, did you?” she asks hesitantly, partially afraid of the answer.

“No,” Sarah quickly clarifies. She sniffles once more. “No, I left.”

Clementine plants her hands on her hips. “Okay,” she sighs deeply, relieved.

“I just… I don’t get why people have to be so mean.” Her voice cracks and a couple of tears spill out again. Sarah wipes her cheek with her palm, hating herself for crying so much.

“Yeah well, it’s just another part of high school, I guess,” agrees Clementine, also feeling disappointment with the harsh truth of her own words.

Sarah wonders how Clem can be friends with people like that. She doesn’t bother to ask though, figuring there would be no point. “I should’ve never gone to that party,” laments Sarah. She momentarily blinks at the ceiling in an attempt to clear her watery eyes.

Clem only watches the girl with pity, wishing she didn’t have to feel this way. She feels really bad about what happened, and would’ve done something to prevent it if she had known sooner. But there’s nothing that either of them can do right now except forget. “Don’t worry about it, alright?” encourages Clementine. She would really hate it if either of them let this get in the way of each other. “It’s not your fault.”

It isn’t until then that they make eye contact for the first time in the conversation. Sarah smiles brokenly. She’s grateful that Clementine is even in here with her, talking to a crying girl in a bathroom stall. “Thanks,” she mumbles.

“You’re welcome,” Clem’s lips tug into a warm smile, her eyes sparkling and her voice gentle. “Come on,” she takes a deep breath, briefly reaching out to touch the girl’s arm. Taking a step back, she nods towards the door that leads back out into the hall. “We should probably get to class.”

* * *

Sarah flops onto her side again, aggressively flicking the thick blankets off her with a heavy sigh. She flutters her eyes open, her vision only meeting the pitch blackness of her bedroom ceiling.

It’s probably been at least an hour since she turned off all her lights and attempted to go to sleep, but all Sarah can find herself thinking about is that very one-sided conversation she’d had in the cafeteria with Becca and Natalie earlier that day.

She plays it over again in her head, not even knowing why. She thinks about the way Clementine had looked when Becca told her Sarah was spying on them. Her heart beats a little faster just thinking about such an awful moment.

Exhaling at length, Sarah slowly rubs her hands over her face with aggravation, wishing she could just stop reminding herself about it. Then she begins to replay the conversation she’d had in the bathroom with Clementine.

Just at that moment, her phone suddenly vibrates on the bedside table next to her.

She immediately reaches for it, thankful for a distraction right now. It’s not like she’s going to fall asleep any time soon. She grabs her glasses and places them on the bridge of her nose, squinting from the bright light shining in her face.

The last thing she expects to see on the screen is Clementine’s name, and a tiny image of an orange right next to it.

The girl is suddenly reminded that Clem had offered to type her number into Sarah’s phone after they walked out of the bathroom together. “ _In case you need someone to talk to_ ,” she’d told her, before bolting off to class and leaving Sarah dumbfounded as usual.

Sarah scrambles to open the message as soon as she sees the notification.

_“How are you feeling?”_

Initially, Sarah only blinks at the screen. She reads the message over a couple of times, her lips absentmindedly tugging into a tired grin as she types out a response.

_“Much better, thanks :)”_

Clementine responds almost instantly, although it feels like forever until she does. _“Np! Again im really sorry about what they did to you”_

Sarah stares at the screen in thought for a few moments. She begins typing out a reply, but quickly deletes it once she notices the three dots on the screen that indicate Clementine is typing something.

Soon enough, another message pops up: “ _Like I knew becca could be a bitch sometimes but I didnt think she would go far enough to do something like that”_

 _“Its fine, really. It wasn’t your fault”,_ Sarah responds.

She stares hard at the screen, waiting for those three dots to pop up. They don’t for a few moments, so she ends up scrolling back to the top of the chat and reading their conversation over again. Finally, her phone vibrates in her hands once more.

_“ok. just wanted to make sure you were okay”_

Sarah can’t help smirking at that. She bites her lip while eagerly typing again: “ _Thank you, I appreciate it”_

_“ok well im gonna try to get some sleep. Good night :)”_

Sarah’s heart warms just from the thought of Clementine even thinking to message her at this time. She composes one last message before locking her phone and placing it back on her bedside table: “ _Good night :)”_

Sarah swears she fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

“One, two, three, four, up and hold. Switch, switch, hold and down!”

Clementine kicks her leg up in one swift motion, holding it by her face with her other arm extended above her. She hops onto the other leg as the girls below continue to hold her up in the air. She repeats the motion, then switches to the other leg once more before lowering it.

Their coach, Christa, paces along the grass in front of the formation of girls, continuing to shout the counts at them as the five groups all move in time with her voice. The woman wears her dark curly hair in a low messy bun, and is wearing a purple track jacket with the school’s logo and mascot printed on the back.

Today had been one of the days the girls had cheer practice outside in the field rather than inside. It gives them fresh air as opposed to the air they’d be getting in the gym, and it gets them used to performing on grass as well, which they sometimes have to do.

The sun is beaming bright, the hot summer air making practice all the more tiring for them.

“Hayley’s group, you guys are moving too much. I need my bases to get closer together over there.”

While Christa barks at someone else, Clementine momentarily catches her breath and her eyes end up wandering over to the girl sitting alone on the bleachers. Sarah sits a distance away with her gaze lowered to the thick textbook in her hands, completely oblivious to Clem’s eyes.

“Come on, I wanna see it again, let’s go,” shouts Christa who continues to pace along the grass.

They repeat the stunts as Christa narrates the counts for them once more. The five girls then hop down in unison, lowering to the ground in one clean motion.

“Clementine’s group, stay,” the woman points at them. “The rest of you…” Christa makes a careless waving motion with her hand.

They rest of the girls stand to the side to watch.

Clementine exhales, preparing herself to be lifted again. Since she is considered the most experienced on the team, it also means that Christa expects her to work harder than everyone else, and that also means she uses her as a demonstration for the team, _a lot_.

The group of girls lift her above their heads once more, keeping her steady. Clementine repeats the same stunt, maintaining a performative smile throughout.

Christa continues to call orders from below, watching Clementine intently. They lower her down to the ground again when it’s finished.

“Good, guys. You see that? That’s what I need to see from all of you,” declares Christa. “Alright, take five.”

Everyone branches out, relieved that they’re finally being granted a break. Some begin stretching while others grab their water bottles and sit in the grass with their phones. Clementine, however, grabs her water bottle and prances directly over to Sarah on the bleachers.

“Hey,” Clem greets enthusiastically as she jogs the short distance across the field.

“Hey,” smiles Sarah, looking up from her book.

“How’s studying going?” Clem takes a drink from her bottle, her chest heaving.

“Good. How’s practice going?” asks Sarah, glancing over to the rest of the girls.

Clem looks over her shoulder at them, still catching her breath. “Uh, you know. as good as it gets, really. Christa’s been really busting our asses this week, that’s for sure.”

“She seems a little scary,” chuckles Sarah, lowering her voice.

“Eh, I don’t know, she’s always like that,” Clem momentarily watches Christa from a distance. “I’ve had worse coaches before.”

“Well, you, um… I mean, it looked great,” stutters Sarah, regretting the words after they leave her mouth. “I mean, from what I saw,” she says, trying to make it sound the _least_ obvious that Sarah had actually been watching the other girl specifically in between her studying.

“Thanks,” grins Clem. “Your dad still not here yet?”

“No, he just texted me saying he’s gonna be at least another twenty minutes,” Sarah disappointedly looks at her phone, glancing over the time again.

“Aw, that sucks,” mumbles Clem.

Sarah had been waiting for him to pick her up after school, only for him to tell her that he was going to be late coming from work. Nevertheless, she’d found a spot at the bleachers at just about the same time the girls began pooling outside into the field. Clementine had briefly spoken to her, and Sarah had mentioned why she was still at school before Clem left to start practice. That had been half an hour ago.

“I’m used to it. They’ve been short staffed for a while so he works overtime a lot,” she explains. It used to bother her a lot more, but they could use the money anyway.

“What does he do?” asks Clem, taking another drink of water.

“He’s a medical doctor,” she informs.

“Must be fun.” Clem raises her eyebrows, obviously sarcastic. “Hey, listen, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe hang out sometime this week?”

Sarah creases her brows, and it feels like her heart may have just dropped. She’s suddenly skeptical if Clementine knows who she’s talking to.

Thinking about it, Clem would often say hi to her or simply smile to her in the hallway sometimes. They’d also briefly texted each other that one day, but Sarah hadn’t realized she actually wanted to hang out with her at all. Sarah would always see her spending time with her _own_ friend group, the girls on the cheer team and what not. Sarah definitely isn’t one of those girls.

“Wh—what did you wanna do?” she asks hesitantly.

“I don’t know, just hang out,” shrugs Clem, clearly not as phased by the question as Sarah is. “I mean, you’ve already been to _my_ house. Maybe I could come to yours?”

Oh god, Clementine at her _house_? Is this really happening? That means she would have to meet her dad. That’s gonna be awkward. It definitely isn’t every day that Sarah brings friends home. In fact, she can’t remember the last time she did. Carlos will definitely be happy to meet her, that’s for sure.

A whistle sounds faintly in the background, but Sarah is too stunned to notice.

She realizes she’s probably just been staring at Clementine for far too long now, so she forces herself to just say anything. “Uh, y—yeah… sure.” Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like Clementine noticed.

“Great,” Clem chirps, grinning widely with her hands on her hips. Her head snaps over her shoulder once Christa starts shouting something in her direction.

“Clementine! Break’s over. Those jumps aren’t gonna fix themselves, let’s go!”

It isn’t until then that they both notice that all the girls had risen to their feet and started to group up again.

Clem turns back to Sarah apologetically, a part of her looking as if she wants to roll her eyes at the woman. She smiles nevertheless. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

Sarah blinks, forcing some sort of smile back at her. “Sure.”

Clementine turns and jogs back over to the field before Sarah even realizes that she’s gone.

* * *

“Hi,” Clementine forces a smile as soon as the door swings open for her. Her eyes are met with a tall dark-haired man wearing a red plaid shirt, staring down at her with a dumbfounded expression. “Does Sarah live here?”

“Oh,” he says. “Yes, come in,” the man steps aside for her. He’d known she was coming, he’s just not used to Sarah ever having friends over. “You must be Clementine.” He closes the door behind her.

“That’s me.” She awkwardly tries to slip her shoes off her feet without stepping off the tiny door mat. A couple other pairs of shoes are crowding around her, and she momentarily stumbles over one of them. Thankfully, the man doesn’t seem to notice.

“Did your parents drop you off?” asks Carlos, noticing through the window that there’s no vehicle currently parked in front of the house.

“Hm? Oh, no.” She notices his gaze. “I walked here.”

“Oh, yes. Sarah did mention that you lived close by,” nods Carlos, recollecting the day she’d told him she was going to a friend’s house.

The girl briefly surveys the inside of the house while he speaks. It’s definitely much different than her own in terms of space. It isn’t very open, and all she can see is a narrow hallway that leads into the rest of the house. “She did?” Clem asks.

“Yes, when she went to your house,” clarifies Carlos.

“Oh. Yeah,” she says, figuring that makes sense.

“Thank you for walking her home last weekend. That was very generous of you,” the man mentions.

Clementine creases her brows in confusion. She may have been drunk at the party, but she definitely doesn’t remember doing _that_. “Uh…”

“Dad,” Sarah bolts down the hallway and both of their heads snap in her direction. She strides towards them with a fake grin as they only stare in bewilderment. “You were just leaving?” she reminds him, already embarrassed that Carlos had answered the door before she could.

“Oh, right,” chirps Carlos, remembering that he was just about to leave for work when Clementine knocked. “I was just looking for my keys.” He begins to pace around the foyer in search of them.

Clementine and Sarah meet eyes on either side of him, the both of them only standing there silently as Carlos digs through all the jackets in the closet.

Clem slightly widens her eyes at Sarah, obviously wondering what the hell her dad was just talking about. Sarah presses her lips together in an attempt not to laugh just from the face she’s making.

“Ah! Found them,” he says, the keys jingling in his hand. “If you guys need anything, you can always text me.”

“Okay, dad.” Sarah opens the door for him.

“And don’t open the door for anyone,” advises Carlos as he steps outside.

“I know.” Sarah swears her cheeks are on fire, knowing that Clem is standing right there behind her while her dad takes _forever_ to leave. She slowly inches the door closed.

“And I’m not sure how long they want me at the hospital so if you’re not still here by the time I get back, then it was nice meeting you,” Carlos waves at Clementine as he walks down the front steps.

“You too!” Clem peers toward the open door, brightly waving back at him just before Sarah finally shuts it closed.

The house is suddenly completely quiet, with just the two of them now in the hallway.

Sarah sighs, relieved that he’s finally gone.

“I walked you home?” Clementine breaks the silence.

Wincing, Sarah slowly turns to face her, although the other girl is smirking as if trying not to laugh. “Uh… yeah, he doesn’t… exactly _know_ about the party.”

Clem lifts her chin, suddenly understanding. “That explains that.” From the brief meeting she’d just had with him, the girl’s dad does seem to be more on the protective side, so the fact that Sarah had hidden the party from him isn’t that hard to believe.

Sarah feels her palms begin to sweat. She’s making as little eye contact with the other girl as possible, still not entirely believing that Clementine is standing in her house right now. She also realizes it must look kinda weird that she’d told her dad Clem walked with her, considering the fact that the two of them hadn’t even met at that time.

“I just told him I was going to your house, but… he doesn’t want me walking alone, so… that’s just what I told him,” Sarah explains, hoping Clementine doesn’t think too much about it. After making sure the door is locked, Sarah steps over the shoes and begins walking down the hallway.

Clementine clicks her tongue, following her. “Ah. Gotcha.” A flash of guilt washes over Clem upon realizing that was what Sarah ended up having to do; walk alone from the party. Remembering that night, she feels awful all over again. She hasn’t talked to Becca or Natalie since that day in the cafeteria.

“Yeah, sorry…” says Sarah. “My dad can be a bit much sometimes.”

“No, it’s fine,” Clementine peers further down the dark hallway, noticing a couple of doors that lead into other rooms. “And I won’t mention anything,” she smirks, following Sarah around a corner into an open living area.

“Thanks,” the other girl responds.

As Sarah walks completely inwards, Clem slows her pace to observe the new brightly lit room. She notices a couple couches, a TV, and an open archway that leads into a kitchen. There’s a small dining table with only two chairs positioned by the door that must lead into the backyard. However, what catches her eye the most is the walnut-colored piano positioned in the corner of the living room by the window.

“You have a piano?” she asks.

“Oh, yeah,” Sarah glances to it, then at Clem.

“Do you play it?” Clem slowly walks towards it.

“Not anymore,” informs Sarah, watching Clementine lightly stroke her fingers across the keys as she stands next to it. She hadn’t expected Clem to take such interest in the piano. Sarah had almost forgotten it was there. “I mean, I used to play a lot more when I was younger.”

Slowly, Clementine sits on the bench while Sarah speaks. It looks as if she’s pretending to play it, and Sarah finds herself becoming distracted just from the mesmerized sight of her.

“Really?” the girl’s gaze is absolutely captivated by the instrument.

“Yeah,” Sarah inhales, pushing her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

She notices the way the bright light from the window seems to perfectly shine off of Clementine’s face as well as onto the surface of the piano, thinking this would be a perfect photo to take right now.

This is all still surreal to her. The two of them had never exactly hung out together without other people around. Sarah had feared this day would just be super awkward with nothing to talk about, but she’s actually not feeling too bad about it right now. Clem actually seems to be the _opposite_ of awkward. Then again, just from school alone, Sarah already knew that she was a very social person.

“Why did you stop?” asks Clem.

Sarah’s gaze momentarily flickers to the ground, her voice lowering. “I just… lost interest in it, I guess.” She absentmindedly brushes her foot against the hardwood floor.

“Do you still remember how?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I might be a little rusty but… I’m sure I could play if I tried.” Sarah strolls to the side of the piano, her hands still in her pockets.

“Can I listen?” Clementine looks up at her with hopeful eyes.

Suddenly nervous, Sarah only opens her mouth to speak. Her heart begins to pound a little faster in her chest. “Um…” She definitely wasn’t planning on playing today. She didn’t even imagine Clementine would ask.

“I won’t judge you if you mess up or anything. I just always thought playing music was kinda cool.” Clementine gently touches her finger to one of the keys again. She’s never learned to play any kind of instrument before, but it had always been something she’d maybe like to learn one day.

“Why didn’t you ever try?” Sarah rests her arm on the piano’s surface.

Clementine shrugs, her voice suddenly feeling somber. “I wanted to learn, I was just… always too busy with cheer, I guess.”

Sarah looks down at her for a moment before moving to sit next to her on the bench. “You really love cheerleading, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do,” her lips tug into the softest of smiles. “A lot of people don’t even understand what it is. They don’t believe that it’s an actual sport where you have to train hard every day and stuff,” she reveals with her gaze lowered. “At school, it’s not really like that… like, it’s not the same as a competitive team, but… it still makes me really happy.”

Sarah suddenly remembers all the trophies and medals she had come across in Clementine’s room, and the fact that the girl also competes alongside the school’s team. She wonders how she can balance it all out so well. Sarah decides not to mention it though, aiming to avoid all reminders of the fact that Sarah had been in her room that night.

“That’s really nice. That it makes you happy,” murmurs Sarah.

Clementine grins at that. She then looks expectantly at Sarah next to her, her voice becoming it’s lively self again. “So. Are you gonna play something for me?”

Sarah forces out a breathy chuckle in an attempt to hide her insecurity. Her heartrate increases again just from the thought of playing something for the other girl, especially after so long of not even touching the keys.

She’d played in a few recitals when she was younger, but it feels like those crowds have nothing on her compared to the girl sitting right there.

Noticing the hopefulness in Clementine’s eyes, Sarah realizes the last thing she wants to do is disappoint her. “Uh… yeah,” she stammers. “Yeah, I guess I could try.”

With an excited smile, Clementine shifts over on the bench so Sarah has more space. She doesn’t say anything, but rather waits patiently for the other girl to begin.

After a few moments of second guessing, Sarah takes a deep breath and rests her fingers on the keys. She stares down at them in silence, blatantly aware of how much her hands are shaking right now. For a while, nothing can be heard except Sarah’s steady breathing. Remembering that she would feel the same way before every recital, she swallows the fear despite that tingling sensation.

Finally, her fingers press into the keys and the sounds of the piano breaks the silence.

As Sarah plays, she isn’t even positive that she remembers where to put her fingers. Nevertheless, she focuses on nothing else but her own breathing, and her hands end up moving in a way that she doesn’t even need to think about it anymore.

Even though it’s been so long, she still remembers everything. The sound of the song and the feeling of playing it is all just so familiar to her that it sounds like she may have been practicing every day, even though she hasn’t. Sarah can’t even begin to think about how many times she’d played this exact piece before. All she knows is that she’d spent hours and hours perfecting every note until it was nearly flawless.

As she sits here in front of the piano, it all just feels so peaceful – like nothing else matters in this moment. It makes her regret that she ever stopped playing.

After a while, Sarah forgets that Clementine is even sitting beside her. She just plays and plays until the final note rings out in their ears.

Even after the piano turns completely quiet, neither of them speak for a few moments afterwards.

Finally, Clementine breaks the silence. “That was beautiful.” Her voice is so soft that Sarah swears she would’ve been the only one in the room that could hear.

However as Clem watches her, Sarah only continues to stare down at the keys with a blank expression on her face, her hands placed in her lap. The sound of the tune is still reverberating in her head. “My mom taught me,” she says.

Clementine couldn’t have missed the girl’s suddenly somber tone. She swallows, uncertain of what to say next. “Is she…”

“She died,” Sarah finishes that sentence for her. “Two years ago.”

Clementine swears her own heart wavers just from hearing those words. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—"

“It’s fine. I just…” Sarah sighs. “I haven’t played piano since then. Well… not like that. She taught me everything I know.”

Clementine suddenly realizes why Sarah was so reluctant to play. She isn’t sure what to say anymore, so she settles for just remaining silent.

“She used to play that song for me all the time when I was a kid,” laments Sarah. “I loved it so much that she taught me how to play it myself. Then after she died, I just… didn’t really play as much.” Sarah would sometimes sit at the keyboard and somberly play a couple of notes or scales from absolute boredom, but that was as close as she’d gotten to playing a real song.

“I’m sorry to make you play, I didn’t know,” Clem apologizes, absolutely hating herself.

“No, it’s okay, really,” Sarah interjects, genuinely meaning it. “It feels good… to play again.” The corner of her mouth tugs into a gentle smile.

“Are you sure?” eases Clem. The last thing she wants to do is make her even more uncomfortable than she already had.

“Yeah. I always loved playing the piano. It made me forget… about things.” Sarah meets eyes with her only to look away again upon noticing how close they are to each other.

Clem can only imagine how Sarah must feel right now. “That must have been really hard. Losing someone like that,” she comments.

“Yeah.” It’s such an understatement that Sarah almost wants to chuckle at that. She knows Clementine only means to comfort her though. “The funny thing is, my dad was going to sell this,” she adds, referring to the piano in front of them. “We didn’t have any money and it just… it hurt him a lot,” Sarah reflects.

Images of her life back in Jackson flash into her mind again. She’d tried so hard to forget about it all after they moved to Atlanta; about her mom, and about school. Most of it she’d forgotten after a while, but now after playing that song for the first time in two years, Sarah remembers why she had stopped. She could hardly even sit on the bench without wanting to cry. Thankfully, she’s gotten better since then. It still hurts though.

“Things were just really bad for us last year,” continues Sarah. Her eyes begin to well up with tears before she can even stop them.

Carlos had never been the same after her mother’s death. He’d realized he needed to be there for his daughter more than ever, but Sarah swears he almost broke. Just as she has, he’s gotten better since then too.

“Is that why you guys moved?” asks Clementine.

Sarah breathes in steadily, then exhales. “Yeah.”

Eventually, her dad had just decided that they move to a new city altogether – to get a fresh new start for both of them. All he wanted was for Sarah to be happy, and she hadn’t been getting that back in Jackson.

Clementine only observes the girl for a few moments, smiling faintly at the sight of her. “Will you teach me?” she asks in a gentle tone.

Whether Clem is trying to lighten the subject or not, Sarah doesn’t know. But she meets eyes with the girl, then blinks back the tears and finds herself grinning brokenly back at her. A part of her feels somewhat honoured that Clementine is asking that of her, remembering that Clem had mentioned she’d always wanted to learn. “Sure,” Sarah breathes.

After that, Sarah begins to show her a couple of the basics. She tells her all the names of the notes, and what the difference is between the black keys and the white keys. She answers questions when Clementine asks, and also corrects the girl’s finger positioning when she needs it.

A part of Sarah feels like she should be embarrassed for becoming so vulnerable all of a sudden. She definitely hadn’t expected to spend any of this time with Clem with tears in her eyes. However, the other girl really doesn’t seem to be mind that Sarah became an emotional open book just now.

Sarah appreciates that more than words can say.


	6. Chapter 6

Sarah hovers over her desk with a pencil in hand, her record player playing a mellow tune in the background. The volume is low, the dark night outside creating a calm atmosphere in her bedroom. Her small desk lamp and the white fairy lights that hang on her walls cast the only light in the room. It’s well into the evening, the rest of the neighbourhood probably sound asleep by now. She figures she should probably go to bed soon as well.

When she hears a light knocking sound, her gaze shoots up towards her bedroom window and she’s snapped out of focus. She didn’t know what she’d expected to see, but it definitely hadn’t been Clementine. The peering girl greets her with a bright smile and a small wave of her hand from outside the window.

Unlocking it, Sarah pushes up the window and peers her head through. The soft night breeze feels cool on her face. “What are you doing here?” asks Sarah just above a whisper, surprised. The girl’s beaming face had been the last thing she’d expected to see on the other side of her window, although she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to see her.

“Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood,” Clem casually leans her elbows on the window sill. Her voice raises an octave as if attempting to charm her.

Sarah can tell the other girl is standing on her toes in order to reach, and that alone makes her want to smile. Thankfully her house only has one floor, so Sarah doesn’t bother scolding her for climbing anywhere dangerous.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Sarah rolls her eyes at the terrible pun, remembering that they do actually live in the same neighbourhood.

“I just… thought maybe you’d wanna hang out for a bit?” suggests Clementine, as if knocking on people’s windows late as night and asking them to hang out is completely normal.

“You know most people use doors, right?” quips Sarah.

“Yeah, but I assumed your dad was probably sleeping and I didn’t wanna like, disturb him. He seemed kind of… _apprehensive_ when I met him, to say the least,” notes Clementine.

“Yeah…” Sarah winces, chuckling briefly as she reflects on that recent day. It’s obvious her father is more on the uptight side, as opposed to easy-going. He probably wouldn’t take too kindly to the girl unexpectedly showing up here at this hour.

“So… are you gonna let me in or not?” Clem asks.

Sarah briefly glances at the bedroom door behind her. Her dad probably won’t be able to hear anything. Their walls are usually pretty good with keeping in sound and he is a heavy sleeper.

“Fine. but we have to be quiet. My dad will probably get mad if he knows you’re here.” Sarah steps back, allowing space for the other girl to climb into her room.

“Why?” Clementine wastes no time in hauling herself over the windowsill, her voice momentarily straining from the action. She hops into the room. “Do you have a bedtime or something?”

“No. he just… likes to know what I’m doing, that’s all.” Sarah locks the window behind Clem once she makes it through.

Clementine raises her eyebrows suspiciously. “Right…” he voice drags out. “Like that party he knew you were going to?”

Sarah briefly rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine. He didn’t… exactly know about that. But hey, I didn’t lie, so you can’t use that one against me,” she jokes.

“Okay, there,” Clementine laughs.

“Besides, what about _your_ parents? Won’t they be wondering where you are?” Sarah checks her watch, discovering that it’s already midnight. Sarah _really_ should be in bed right now.

Clementine shrugs her shoulders. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.” She wanders to the other side of the room while her gaze roams over all of Sarah’s things.

Sarah can’t see her face from where she is, but it isn’t until now that she realizes Clem has never actually talked about her parents before, and she wonders why that might be. Still, she decides not to press any further questions.

“So what are you working on?” Clem changes the subject before Sarah has to, peering down at the scattered papers on Sarah’s desk.

“Physics,” sighs Sarah, suddenly reminded of all the homework she has to do this weekend.

Clementine raises her eyebrows, her voice drenched in sarcasm. “Fun.” Math had never been her thing, but she admires how dedicated Sarah is to her schoolwork.

“I guess so,” decides Sarah.

No one has been in her room since she moved here, and she definitely hadn’t been expecting Clementine to be the first one. The girl suddenly feels embarrassed about her room for some reason. There’s nothing particularly embarrassing about it, she’s just never really felt open enough with someone to show them all the things that mean so much to her.

Sarah watches as Clem’s eyes wander over the small collage of polaroid pictures on the wall above the shelf, the pictures only hanging on pinned-up strings. They all seem to be of Sarah and her family. There’s no one else in them that look to be friends of hers.

“Is this your mom?” asks Clem. Her voice becomes somber, their previous conversation of Sarah’s mother still fresh in her mind.

“Yeah,” replies Sarah, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. A part of her wishes Clementine wouldn’t look at the pictures.

“She’s very pretty,” observes Clem, her eyes yet to leave the wall. It’s a photo of Sarah when she was younger, probably about nine or ten years old. Her mother is hugging her from behind, both wearing radiant grins on their faces. Clementine swears she has never seen Sarah look so happy. “You look like her.”

“You… you think I’m pretty?” stutters Sarah in a small voice, almost not believing what the other girl had just implied.

“Well, yeah,” answers Clem as if it is obvious, although she still seems to be distracted by the decorated wall. She notices a few other photos that aren’t of Sarah’s family, but rather flower fields and sidewalks and forests. “Did you take these pictures too?”

“Yeah, I did. I just kinda… collect them overtime.” Clem turns to face her then, and Sarah scrambles for something else to say. “I carry my camera everywhere, cause… you never know when you’re gonna see something pretty, you know?” She can’t help but gaze at Clementine as she says that.

Clem doesn’t seem to notice, though. “So… you’re an awesome piano player and you’re also a photographer?” she praises, clearly impressed.

Sarah plants herself on the edge of her mattress, plucking the pink polaroid camera from the shelf at the foot of the bed. “I mean, I got this camera as a Christmas gift like, three years ago. I wouldn’t exactly say that makes me a photographer.” She rotates the object in her hands before handing it to Clementine so she can see.

“Still, it makes you more talented than me.” Clementine lowers herself on the other end of the bed so she’s lying against the headboard, examining the object in her hands.

“But you do cheer,” says Sarah. “That’s pretty cool.”

Clem’s lips tug into a smile. “Yeah. Not as cool as being able to play an instrument, though.” She hovers the camera over her face, beckoning Sarah over. “Here, come take a picture with me.”

Sarah remains motionless at first, almost not even processing that Clem had asked that. Hesitantly, Sarah shifts closer on the bed to lie on her back next to the other girl.

Clementine holds the camera above their faces, snapping a picture. “There,” she hands the photo to Sarah after it ejects from the camera. “Now you have another one to add to your collection.”

She waits for the image to develop in her hands. Once it does, she notices Clementine’s wide grin first, followed by Sarah’s insecure one. Clem’s head is tilting towards the other girl’s, Sarah’s hair splayed out on the pillow below her.

As she stares at it, Sarah doesn’t even realize that she’s smiling until Clem’s fingertips suddenly touch her wrist.

“This is nice,” she says.

It takes Sarah a moment to realize that she’s talking about the bracelet Sarah had forgotten she was wearing. “Hm? Oh, thanks.”

“Where’d you get it?” asks Clem.

Suddenly forgetting about the photo, Sarah absentmindedly begins playing with the trinket. It’s made out of a navy blue yarn, woven and tied together at the ends. A tiny golden charm of a heart is netted into the middle of it. Simple, but pretty. “I made it, actually.”

Clementine lolls her head away on the pillow, pretending to be annoyed. “Oh, I should’ve known, Miss. _Creative_ over here.”

“Okay, I’m actually not _that_ creative,” Sarah can’t help but giggle through her own words. “I literally made this when I was like, _seven_ years old because I was bored. I don’t even know why I still have it,” Sarah pulls the bracelet off and aimlessly dangles it off of one finger.

Clementine snatches it away almost instantly. “That’s okay, I’ll take the credit for you,” she jokes.

Sarah scoffs, letting the other girl put it on her own wrist. “Yeah, you wish.”

Their laughs eventually fade into nothing until they’re both only staring upwards in silence again. They momentarily drown in the faded music still playing on the record player.

Sarah sighs softly at the ceiling, admiring how openly the two of them are able to joke with each other now.

After a short while, Clementine’s voice fills the room again. “I like you,” she murmurs.

Sarah’s heart skips a beat. Clem’s soft voice sounds so loud in her ear from how close they are. She blinks a few times, wondering what exactly it is she means by that.

“You do?” Sarah swallows the lump in her throat.

Clem doesn’t look over at her. “Of course. I’m hanging out with you, aren’t I?”

Sarah turns her head away, the photo still tucked underneath the hands that rest on her stomach. “Well, yeah, but…”

“But what?” Clem’s voice becomes concerned.

Sarah shakes her head dismissively. “Nothing.”

“No, tell me.” Clementine finally looks over at her.

Sarah sighs softly, staring off into nothing. She couldn’t be more aware of how close their faces are right now. Clem doesn’t seem to mind though. “That doesn’t mean that you like someone.”

“What are you talking about?” asks Clem, the ridiculous statement causing a breath of laughter.

“I just… I knew some people at my old school that would say things they didn’t really mean,” she laments, remembering the way things were back in her hometown. A part of her wishes she could just stop herself from talking. Clementine probably doesn’t want to hear this, but for some reason, she keeps going. “They would pretend to be nice to me but then they would go and say mean things behind my back. Then I’d find out that they were never really my friends at all.”

Clementine only breathes, absorbing that information. Sarah had never mentioned anything like that before. Despite her curiosity, she assumes Sarah doesn’t want to talk details about it, judging by the gloomy tone in her voice.

“I would never do that to you, Sarah,” she promises.

Even though Sarah appreciates her saying that, this is all still so hard to believe for her.

Clementine is in her _room_ right now. They’re actually… friends. At least, she thinks they are. And now they’re laying on her bed together and Clementine is telling her that she likes her. How did this happen? What is someone as beautiful and popular as her doing with Sarah of all people? There’s just no way.

“Why are you even… talking to someone like me?” wonders Sarah, suddenly feeling insecure about herself. “I mean, I’m not… I’m not like all the other girls at school.”

Clementine presses her brows together, finding that to also be an odd thing to say. She scans the other girl’s expression, searching for the right words. “Because you’re different,” she breathes.

It isn’t until then that Sarah looks over at her.

In that moment, it’s as if Clementine’s gaze is captivating Sarah’s own. She wears the softest of smiles on her face, her eyes twinkling in the light. “You’re just realizing it for all the wrong reasons,” Clementine murmurs so softly that Sarah swears she wouldn’t be able to hear if she were farther away.

Something about the way she speaks makes Sarah unable to form further words. And when Clementine’s gaze flickers down to her lips, she swears she can’t breathe anymore.

All Sarah can do is stare back at the other girl with her heart beating faster by the second, hoping that Clem can’t hear it pounding in her chest. After what feels like an eternity, Clem closes the gap between them, their lips touching before Sarah can even process it.

With her body suddenly paralyzed, Sarah believes her heart may have actually just stopped. Nonetheless, her eyelids eventually flicker closed too.

Clementine must have taken that as a sign to melt a little further into her, because before Sarah knows it, Clem is shifting to prop herself on one elbow and hovering overtop the other girl, their lips only parting for a moment.

Suddenly, Sarah’s mind is practically screaming at her to do or say something, _anything_. Yet she wants to not say anything at all and just let Clem keep going. Still, she knows this is wrong. This _shouldn’t_ be happening right now. How did they even get here?

Clem pushes herself even further up, her arm landing on the other side of Sarah’s head.

 _Oh god._ Clementine has now positioned herself completely above her, yet all Sarah can do is just remain completely unresponsive.

_No, no, no, no, no. What? This is wrong. This is… this should not be happening. Why is she doing this?_

It isn’t until Sarah feels Clementine’s body begin to press further into her that she musters the courage to finally speak.

“Stop,” Sarah whispers. Her voice croaks and the sound almost doesn’t escape her lips.

Clementine retracts abruptly, her eyes suddenly brimming with concern. “Is something wrong?” She hadn’t even noticed the girl’s discomfort.

“I can’t—I can’t do this,” Sarah rises to a stand so quickly that it actually startles the other girl. She’s not even sure if she actually pushed her off or not, but Sarah finds she’s too flustered to care.

She quickly paces to the other side of the room. Her fingertips are shaking as she presses her hands into her temples.

For a while, Clementine only watches her as she remains seated on the bed, still taken aback by the sudden reaction. She can tell the girl is clearly unsettled. “Why?” Clem asks. She doesn’t mean it in a pressing way, she’s just genuinely concerned for the other girl.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Sarah whips around to face her. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice so suddenly.

“…And what is that exactly?” Clem asks slowly.

Sarah scoffs, shaking her head accusingly. “Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“But, I _don’t_ know.” Clem bites back, starting to get a little frustrated herself.

“I know how this works, okay? I—I know what you’re like.”

“What I’m _like_?” Clementine doesn’t miss a beat. What the hell does _that_ mean?

“You think you can just show up here and—and make me feel like I’m special and then just kiss me like that like I’m… I’m gonna _sleep with you_ or something?” The words come out faster than she’s able to think. She hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but all Sarah can think about is that image of Clem and Gabe at the party and all the things she ever heard about Clementine before they met are just piling up in her head at once.

Sarah doesn’t know why her eyes are suddenly wet with tears.

“That’s _not_ what I was trying to do!” defends Clementine as she rises to her feet.

“I don’t even know anything about you!” Sarah almost interrupts her.

All Clementine can do is stare back with hurt in her eyes as she realizes that Sarah is not even listening to what she’s saying. Her heart aches.

As the silence draws out, Sarah can’t tell what the other girl is thinking. For a moment, she thinks - _hopes_ that Clem might say something earnest, or maybe apologetic - something that they can come back from. What ends up coming out of her mouth is the last thing that Sarah had expected to hear.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone _actually_ likes you?” Clem’s tone is anything but gentle. Clearly, Sarah had sparked something in her too.

She realizes that she maybe shouldn’t have used the words that she did. However, all Sarah can do is stand there, her jaw clenched and her eyebrows pressed together. She wishes she could just crumble right then and there. She _wishes_ she could become invisible, all because Clementine is seeing right through her.

She’d never admit it out loud, but Clementine is right - Sarah _doesn’t_ believe it. She never thought anyone could care. But here she is, with someone who went so far as to knock on her window late at night just so they could spend time together; someone who takes pictures with her and tells her that she likes her. Clem even shared her number with her just so she could make sure that Sarah was okay that one day, even though they barely even knew each other. Yet, all Sarah wants to do is push her away. _Why?_

In that moment, Sarah absolutely despises herself. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone like that? The tears threaten to spill from her eyes and she doesn’t even have the energy to speak anymore. All she feels is shame and remorse and loathing…

“Did you ever think that maybe I just wanted to get to _know_ you, for _you_?” continues Clem. “Not because I wanted to _get something_ out of it?”

Sarah winces, feeling like a child being scolded by her parents. She can _hear_ the hurt in the other girl’s voice, and all Sarah can think about is how she, herself, had been the cause of that.

Sarah buries her face in her hands. She doesn’t want Clementine to continue. When she finally speaks again, her voice is muffled, quiet and broken. “Please, just go.” She can’t let Clem see her cry.

For a moment, Clem almost wants to continue fighting back. But as she eyes the defeated girl for a little while longer, her shoulders finally relax and she releases a breath.

Sarah feels as if she’s drowning in the silence.

Finally, Clementine shakes her head. “Forget it.” She brushes past the motionless girl and exits through the bedroom door without another word. She leaves it open behind her, the room suddenly feeling that much emptier.

Sarah doesn’t try to stop her.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Grey clouds roll in and darken the morning sky as Sarah hikes to class alone. Her head is hung low and her hands are stuffed into the pockets of her jacket as usual. Carlos had just dropped her off, and she’d left the car without hardly even speaking a word for the entire drive.

She hardly got a wink of sleep last night. Insomnia is nothing unusual for her, but all she’d found herself thinking about was the fact that Clementine had kissed her in her room the night before.

It hadn’t been just any kiss. Well, Sarah can’t exactly say she’s had one to compare it to. Nonetheless, it left her feeling like Clem’s lips were still pressed against hers long after the other girl had left. It was absolutely terrifying, and wrong, and unexpected all at once. And the worst part of it all is that Sarah actually liked it.

Then she’d told Clementine to leave, and Sarah had cried softly to herself for a good hour after that. Even the next morning, she wants nothing more than to bury herself away and never come out again. She’d felt awful about it.

“Sarah!” a car door slams from somewhere next to her, and thunder rumbles from above.

Sarah keeps walking. She doesn’t want to talk to Clementine right now. She can’t. Not after what Sarah had said to her last night.

“Sarah,” repeats Clem, her voice louder and closer now. The sound of keys jingling and the car beeping sounds from somewhere behind her. “Please, just wait,” she says.

Sarah stops in the middle of the pavement, her back turned to the other girl. Her gaze remains lowered and she doesn’t meet the girl’s eyes, but she turns her body in the slightest, listening.

“Look, I—I know you’re mad at me but please, just listen, okay?” begs Clem frantically.

Sarah remains unresponsive.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” blurts Clementine after a while, sounding as if she’s out of breath.

Sarah’s heart nearly stops.

Thankfully, there aren’t many people around outside to hear. Most of the other students are already inside or quickly making their way there in search of shelter from the approaching storm. If anyone is walking past, they probably won’t be able to hear very well from the rain, anyway. Clementine doesn’t mind the weather, though. She’d noticed Sarah walking just as she’d pulled up into the school parking lot, and now she can’t let the girl take another step further away from her.

“I—I wasn’t thinking and—and I was just… I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it would upset you. And I’m sorry,” confesses Clem. “I just wanted to hang out with you because… I really like you. And I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

Sarah only stands there, her back still turned and her mind racing through so many thoughts at once. She hadn’t expected to speak to Clementine today. A part of her didn’t even want to see her. It would have been too humiliating – too painful. But clearly the other girl had thought about what had happened, too. Sarah wonders if maybe she cried herself to sleep as well, then she realizes how unlikely that is.

“I understand that… that you have a hard time trusting people. And I get that, I really do,” Clementine continues, her voice softening in the slightest upon remembering everything they had talked about the night before. Her eyes alone are practically pleading with the other girl’s backside to just turn around and talk to her - to say anything.

Slowly, Sarah turns even further. Some of her hair blocks her face, but the dreary expression she wears is visible enough for the other girl to know that it’s there.

“Look, I don’t know what happened at your old school but I am not like those people, okay? And I’m not like Becca or Natalie either. But you need to put those things behind you and… just _see_ what’s really in front of you.”

Finally, the two meet eyes. Clementine’s are desperate and pleading, but Sarah’s are nearly blank - as if she isn’t taking in a word of what the other girl is saying.

Sarah only watches her for a moment. Strands of wet hair are beginning to latch onto the sides of Clem’s face, that purple baseball cap becoming soaked with water. “You don’t get it, do you?” Sarah finally speaks up.

The other girl is clearly at a loss of what to say anymore. She hadn’t expected her to say that.

“All my life, all people ever did was put me down,” Sarah explains. Her voice is soft, and she speaks slowly. “They practically made it their life goal to make sure that I knew I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t _deserving_ of feeling like I mattered to anyone. How am I supposed to put that behind me?” Sarah had briefly mentioned what the kids were like at her old school, and she’d felt like an idiot for suddenly becoming so open about it. But now, she doesn’t care what Clem knows anymore. It happened so often that it was never a secret, anyway. “You have _no idea_ what it’s like,” Sarah’s voice raises unintentionally. “You walk through this school, and it’s like _everyone_ clears a path for you. But me? Nobody even looks at me. It’s like I’m invisible.”

Clem takes a step closer. “Not to me,” she says, her voice firm. She refuses to believe that. “Sarah, you can’t just keep… pushing yourself down like this. It doesn’t make anything better.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Sarah almost interrupts her. Her heart feels as if it’s tying in a knot from all of this. “Look… I’m not pretty like you, I’m not popular, I don’t have all these friends, I’m just… nobody. Okay? It’s something you’ll _never_ understand,” her voice falters. She turns to walk away, indicating that the conversation is over.

“Then _make_ me understand!” Clem chases after her, only allowing the other girl to take a few steps before stopping again.

“You don’t…” Sarah raises her voice again, then stops herself. Her eyes squeeze shut, and there’s a tingling sensation in her nose that tells her she’s about to cry. “You don’t get to do this to me.” Her voice cracks, breaking as the words go on.

“What are you talking about?” asks Clem. The rain picks up, thunder sounding from above once more.

“I’m—I’m not just another one of your…” she scrambles for the right words, unsure how to phrase it. She doesn’t need to finish that sentence though, Clementine understands what she’s saying.

“What is it with you and thinking I wanna just… _sleep_ with everyone?” Clementine argues, suddenly flustered.

“Because I know what people say about you!” retorts Sarah.

“And what exactly do they say about me?” tests Clem, losing patience.

Sarah shakes her head, realizing how ridiculous this all is. “Nothing… forget it,” she turns to leave again, but Clementine only follows her.

“No, tell me,” insists Clem.

“I said forget it,” Sarah allows herself to be stopped once more, resisting rolling her eyes at the other girl for not just dropping the subject all together. She doesn’t want to talk about this.

“You’re really going to let what people say get in the way of everything else?” bickers Clem. “None of that _matters_. High school does _not matter_. It’s all bullshit, anyway.”

“What about Gabe?” Sarah asks before even thinking about it.

Clem creases her brows, confused at the sudden change of topic. “What _about_ him?”

Sarah sighs exasperatedly, wishing she didn’t just say that. She never thought she’d speak to Clem about any of this. They were only thoughts in her head – never meant to be spoken aloud. However, at this point, Sarah finds she’s becoming too furious to hold anything back anymore. She figures she might as well ask this now. “What is he to you?”

“Nothing!” Clem defends, understanding what she’s getting at. “He’s just…” she groans in frustration. “Look, he doesn’t matter to me!”

Looking away, Sarah scoffs at her answer. “’Nothing’,” she mumbles, repeating what she had said.

“Sarah!” exclaims Clem, clearly becoming agitated at how Sarah is twisting her words. “Okay—we _fuck_! Fine! Is that what you wanna hear?” she shouts.

Sarah is hardly even phased from that confession. Anyone would be stupid not to have already known that. “How can I be okay with you kissing me if I’m just gonna end up being _nothing_?” argues Sarah.

“That’s _him_ , that is not you! what matters to me is _you_ ,” stresses Clem.

“I thought you said nothing matters,” mumbles Sarah bitterly. She regrets saying it immediately afterwards. She, herself, doesn’t even know why she’s acting this way, but for some reason, she can’t help the words she’s saying.

“You know what? I’m starting to think maybe nothing does. Because all you do is push people away.”

Sarah has nothing to say to that. She only stares past Clementine, watching the ripples of the puddles in the distance. A part of her doesn’t even want to bother with this argument anymore. It’s as if she’s being scolded by a parent. Her eyes become wet with tears.

“Do you really think I’m that awful of a person? That I would just _use_ you like that or something?” Clem can tell by the insecurity on Sarah’s face that she just doesn’t want to hear the truth, and that only frustrates Clementine even more. “You can’t keep being so afraid!”

 _“Everyone_ leaves me!” Suddenly, Sarah shouts even louder, emphasizing every syllable.

Just the sound of her saying those words alone is enough for Clem to lose every argument she had. Clementine drops her shoulders, defeated, not even realizing her body had been holding that much tension. She’s never heard the girl use such a tone before. She’s never heard such _pain_ coming from her voice.

Tears pool out of Sarah’s eyes and she shamefully lowers her chin to her chest. “Everyone…” she sobs, her voice breaking. It feels like forever passes between each phrase. “I can’t just let that go.”

Neither of them speak anymore, with only the sound of the rain on the pavement able to be heard. Sarah takes a breath. She doesn’t look at the other girl, but rather stares at the space in between them. She speaks slowly. “You were the one person that made me feel like I was _actually_ special. You actually made me feel like I had something to _lose_.”

Clementine parts her lips, her eyebrows pressed together at the pain of hearing such a confession. She takes a breath, but she can’t find the words to say. All she can do is squint at the other girl through the pouring rain.

“Please, just… just leave me alone, okay?” Sarah croaks. She begins to turn around, then stops briefly. “It’s better that way,” she says, not even looking at her.

Clementine doesn’t stop her when she leaves this time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abuse/language TW for this chapter

“Clementine.”

“Hi,” she forces a nervous smile, relieved that someone had answered the door. “Is Sarah home?”

Carlos glances down the hallway behind him, his one hand still gripping onto the door handle. “I… think she’s doing homework right now,” he lies.

“Can you let her know I’m here? I really need to talk to her,” asks Clem without hesitance.

She had sent Sarah multiple text messages after school, apologizing and really only wanting to make sure Sarah was okay. None of them ever received a response, and Clem had been at home in complete agony just waiting for Sarah’s name to finally pop up on her phone. After four hours, she’d finally decided to just go to Sarah’s house instead and ask her in person.

A flash of uncertainty crosses the man’s face, concerning the other girl. He doesn’t smile like she thinks he would, but rather purses his lips in a way that’s more apologetic than reassuring. “She… doesn’t really want to speak to anyone right now.” He lowers his voice, as if hoping no one else would be able to hear.

“Oh,” Clem blinks. It had been the last thing she’d hoped to hear. Even she can realize that something is clearly off with Carlos as well, compared to how lively he had been the day that she first met him. Clearly his daughter had told him something.

“I think it’s best if you go,” the man advises before Clem can say anything else. His voice is calm and gentle, as if he wishes he wasn’t saying the words.

Clem’s mind suddenly feels so blank, and she can’t find it in her to speak. She didn’t expect to be turned away from him, and she only wonders what exactly it is that Sarah told him. Does he think differently of Clem now?

“Oh… okay.” Despite her worry, she doesn’t want to ask. She’s clearly overstayed her welcome. “Can you just… tell her that I stopped by?” she asks. “Please?”

Briefly, it looks as if he may deny that too. Then Carlos nods in understanding, and Clem feels somewhat reassured for the first time. “I’ll let her know.” He figures it’s the least he can do.

“Okay,” she says, accepting the situation despite not wanting to leave. Clem has pursued the girl twice now, and both times Sarah had only pushed her away. If she doesn’t want to talk, Clem won’t push anymore. Sarah clearly needs the space right now.

“Have a good day,” Carlos forces some sort of grin at her, already easing the door closed.

“You too,” she says, although it’s more out of habit than anything.

Before Clementine even processes it, the door is shut closed in front of her and she’s left standing alone on Sarah’s doorstep.

* * *

_The next day_

“Where were you?”

Clementine jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice as soon as she closes the front door behind her.

The woman is standing on the bottom half of the stairs, her arms crossed and a cigarette held limply between two fingers that hover near her face. The house is dimly lit and it casts dark shadows underneath her eyes. Her dark nest of curls frame her expressionless face. Only her golden necklace glistens in the limited light.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Clem mutters under her breath. She’d tried her best to be quiet as she walked in, as it must be well past midnight by now. Her mother should have been sleeping, but a part of her is also not surprised she’d been apparently standing there and waiting for her. That woman always seems to know _everything_.

“Where _were_ you?” Diana presses once more, her voice only slightly more stern.

Clementine locks the door behind her, gazing everywhere but the woman’s eyes. “Out.”

“With who?”

“With friends.” They’ve only exchanged a few words with each other and Clementine is already agitated with the endless questions.

“What friends?” she asks, becoming impatient.

Clementine knows that her mother thinks she’s lying, even though she isn’t. Clem had only gone out for a drive with a couple people after school because it’s Friday and they asked her. They’d ended up going to a late dinner and hanging out for a bit. She’d thought it’d help her take her mind off the argument she’d had with Sarah the morning before. It didn’t help much, but Clem clearly hadn’t been in a rush to come home, anyway.

“Just people from school. You don’t know them.” Clementine kicks her shoes onto the doormat, holding onto the straps of her backpack.

“I don’t believe I ever got that bracelet for you.” Diana nods towards her daughter’s wrist. “Someone buy that for you?” Her tone is bitter rather than caring. She takes a drag from her cigarette.

Clem follows her gaze, looking down at Sarah’s bracelet.

Jesus, how does her mom _notice_ these things so quickly? Clementine had almost forgotten she was still wearing it, and suddenly the way she’d gotten the bracelet in the first place are now at the front of her mind, and she regrets that recent night all over again.

“I forgot to give it back,” explains Clem, absentmindedly playing with the twine on her wrist. Sensing the way her mother is looking at her and really not wanting to deal with it right now, she jumps at some sort of escape. “Can I please go to bed? I’m really tired.”

“Not until I’m done speaking to you,” answers Diana almost all too quickly.

All Clem wants to do is just run upstairs to her room right now and not talk to anyone, but her mom is standing right in front of the stairs and clearly isn’t planning on moving any time soon. Inhaling, Clementine briefly looks away. Her eyes flicker upward, forcing herself to make eye contact. “Where’s dad?”

“Don’t change the subject on me. You think _I_ know where your father goes off to these days? You think he ever _bothers_ to tell me who he’s with when he’s not at home?” bickers the woman, her tone rising with irritation.

Clementine glances away with shame once more, pressing her lips together. She shouldn’t have asked.

 “Were you ever planning on telling me that you had a party here when we were gone?” Diana strolls the rest of the way down the stairs, stopping at the bottom.

So she’d finally decided to just cut to the chase. Now Clem knows what this is _really_ about. Her mother has a habit of trying to get Clementine to admit to things instead of her just actually saying it. Clearly the woman doesn’t have the patience for that right now though, and neither does Clem.

She’s not entirely surprised her mother had found out about the party. She doesn’t even care _how_ she had found out, she just wants this conversation to be over so she can go to her room and finally get some sleep.

Despite the girl’s frustration, Clementine tries to sound calm so as not to set the woman off any further. “Mom, can we please talk about this in the morning?”

“No, we are talking about this now. You can’t continue keeping secrets from me, Clementine,” the woman insists.

Clem rolls her eyes, resisting the urge to groan. “It was just a stupid party. It’s not a big deal.”

“I _pay_ for you to live under this roof - to go to school and to be on that team. For ten fucking years I’ve paid money for you to go to those goddamn cheer classes, and now you think you can just do whatever you want?” The woman steps closer, pointing at her with that cigarette. Her words rise with anger. “Lots of kids don’t even have those privileges, you know.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Clem carelessly plops her backpack onto the vanity table next to the door, relieved at finally having the weight off her shoulders. She doesn’t actually mean it. She only says it in hopes that it will get her mom to drop the subject.

“Don’t talk back to me,” demands Diana.

“I wasn’t talking back,” defends Clementine, her voice rising in defense.

“You’re just like your father, always doing what you want—”

“Since when was saying sorry talking back?” argues Clem.

“You’re selfish, Clementine. You can’t be grateful for a single thing that I do for you,” she pesters. “You spend all your time with friends, you can’t even be grateful for what you have at home. What good do friends get you, anyway?”

“I’m not _always_ hanging out with friends, you know. I have school, and cheer practice, and competitions are coming up in a couple months,” she reasons, attempting to keep her volume level. “I do actually have others things—”

“Oh, there’s more to life than pom-poms and short skirts, Clementine.” badgers Diana. “You keep wasting all your time with that shit and you’re going to end up like one of your father’s whores. You really think you’re going to get anywhere in life with that?”

The woman’s words don’t phase her. They aren’t new to her. “Maybe if you actually _watched_ me perform, you’d—"

“Oh, There you go again, making _everything_ about you!” Diana proclaims sarcastically.

Clementine groans frustratingly, hearing this for what feels like the hundredth time. She strides further into the house while her mom continues to rant, hoping to get away from her. She can’t listen to this right now. The woman only pursues her into the living room.

“How about you start thinking about your own mother for once, how about that? Maybe you could start appreciating your fucking family,” complains Diana. She aggressively shoves her cigarette into the ashtray on the table as she brushes past it.

Clem suddenly snaps around to face her. “What _family_?” she yells. The word sounds broken on her lips, and the whole house suddenly goes silent. They both stop in their tracks. When she turns, their faces are closer than she’d expected, but she doesn’t falter. For once, she stands as if she’s actually overpowering the other woman. “You were _never_ there for me! And now you think you can just come back into my life like you own it?”

“I raised you. If anyone has any say in your life, it’s me,” counters Diana, pointing a stern finger as if it is a warning.

“My fucking _babysitter_ had to drive me to cheer practice every day because dad never cared enough about me to actually want to be in my life!” Clementine continues, hardly even listening to what the other woman is saying anymore.

“Well, maybe he was right in doing that.”

“If you’d just listen to me for once, you’d actually _know_ —”

“Clementine, I don’t want to hear another word from you!”

“This is _not_ a family, our family is _fucked_!” Clementine shouts the last word into her mother’s face, her voice reverberating through the whole house. She’d never used such a tone in these walls before, but she can’t bring herself to even care right now. She’s held this in for too long.

Clem hadn’t realized how hurtful it all was until she’d said those words out loud. Her heart cracks even more when she hears her mother’s next words.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Clementine, you know that’s not going to do you any good,” is all Diana manages to say. It’s as if Clementine hadn’t just said what she did – as if none of this is happening right now. The woman isn’t even fazed by her daughter’s words.

Clem’s chest heaves from trying not to burst into tears at that very moment. After everything, how can she say that? Why can’t she just _listen_? “What do you want from me?” Clementine finally asks. Her voice cracks and she knows she’s about to cry. The words are so desperate as they leave her mouth that it’s almost comes out as a whisper.

“I want you to clean up your act, and maybe start thinking about someone other than yourself. You’re not a child anymore, you’re an adult,” Diana grabs and pulls on her daughter’s wrist.

“Mom!”

She yanks Sarah’s bracelet off and lets it drop to the floor. “You can’t be wasting your life on parties and _friendship bracelets.”_ The woman spits the last word as if it tastes vile in her mouth.

“Stop,” Clementine pulls her arm free. She’s so overwhelmed from the sudden outburst that her heart begins to pound in her chest.

“I don’t even know why I bother with you anymore. It seems no matter what I say, you’re never going to change. Can’t you understand that?” She steps toward her daughter once more, who only cowers back. “You are a lying, ungrateful, pathetic—”

“Shut up!”

“—useless nobody who doesn’t love _anyone_ but _herself_!”

“ _Shut up_!” shrieks Clementine. Her palms are pressed against her ears, her eyes squeezed shut. Those words that have done nothing but traumatize her through the years reverberates in her head and she wants to scream just so she won’t have to hear them being said to her again.

Diana shakes her head. “If this is the _only_ way I can get you to listen…” She marches back towards the front door, ignoring her daughter’s pleas. “From now on, what I say goes. Whether you like it or not.” She opens Clementine’s backpack on the table. “You will _not_ talk back to me. You will not _say_ another word, do you hear me?” Her hands frantically dig through the contents of the bag. “There will be no more friends… no more parties…”

At first, Clementine can’t figure out what it is she’s looking for. She can only watch with helplessness and confusion from the living room as the woman continues to mutter words.

When Diana pulls out the purple uniform, Clementine’s eyes widen.

“…and no more cheer.” She yanks the garment apart from the top with forced effort, the sound of fabric ripping absolutely breaking the young girl’s heart.

“No!” Clementine lunges forward with tears in her eyes. “Stop!”

Just as she reaches her, Clem cries out from the sudden flash of pain across her cheek.

She stumbles back and all her words instantly die on her lips. Holding a hand to her stinging face, it takes her a few moments to register what just happened. Diana stops, and Clem forces herself not to cry and break the terrifying silence.

With a vice-like grip, Diana yanks her forward by the wrist again before Clem even has a chance to look up. Clementine whimpers as she’s forced to look up at the woman, their faces so much closer.

It looks as if Diana might say something. It feels as if they’re stuck in that position forever, and Clementine swears she’s not breathing. She’s afraid to say another word. Finally, the woman shakes her head, as if her daughter’s tears are nothing but a great disappointment.

She throws Clementine to the floor, already turning away before the girl can reach the ground.

Clementine begins to sob, propping herself up on her hands. The legs in front of her disappear from view. She sees the ripped cheer uniform being carelessly thrown at her, but she doesn’t dare look up. Her chin is lowered to her chest as she cries softly to herself.

Finally, her blurry vision meets the torn garment that had landed pathetically in front of her. She stares at it with such despair.

It wasn’t _just_ that she tore the uniform, it was everything else on top of that. But seeing everything that truly mattered literally being ripped apart in front of her somehow made everything so much worse.

She doesn’t care about the uniform, it’s _why_ she did it that hurts more than anything.

Cheer had always been the one thing that ever truly made her happy. It was all she had ever known for so many years of her life. It was an escape from the horrible reality of her life; from her parents, from her home. _Cheer_ was her home, and her mother had never even given it a chance. She’d never given _her_ a chance.

When Clementine finally looks up, her mother is gone. She hadn’t even realized when she’d left. She doesn’t care because all she sees is that goddamn uniform that now only reminds her of her own mother’s disappointment.

A door slams from somewhere upstairs.

Clementine’s breath quickens and more tears pool into her eyes. She aggressively chucks the battered uniform away. “ _I hate you_!” She screams towards the top of the stairs, hoping the horrible woman can still hear her.

She cries alone on her knees until there’s nothing left.


	9. Chapter 9

When Sarah walks into class with her books clutched to her chest and her eyes on the ground, she practically makes a bee line for the desk at the front corner of the room – the one she always sits in. She figures it’s the best place where she doesn’t have to talk to anyone.

However, as she waits for class to start and the rest of the students talk among themselves, she can’t help but glance over her shoulder to the back of the room. The desk in the far corner - Clementine’s desk – is empty.

Sarah glances at the clock. There’s only a few minutes left before class starts. Clementine is usually here by now, and she _always_ sits in that spot.

Forcing herself to brush away the slight worry, Sarah distracts herself with looking out the window instead.

She doesn’t want to talk to her right now, anyway. She doesn’t _want_ to see her.

Ten minutes later, when the teacher finally walks in and the class begins, Sarah can’t resist looking to the clock again. She aimlessly rotates her pencil between her fingers, staring up at it nervously and hardly paying attention to what the teacher is saying.

It isn’t until a half an hour passes by that Sarah realizes Clementine is not going to show up. A part of her feels this might have something to do with the fight they’d had a few days earlier, and she regrets not coming to the door that one day. Then she realizes how ridiculous that sounds. She thinks of it logically instead.

They couldn’t have had an extra cheer practice this morning because Becca and Natalie made it to class just fine. She’s probably sick. They did get caught in the rain the other day, after all.

Despite her straying thoughts, Sarah forces herself not to think much more about it. Still, she can’t ignore that conscious feeling of knowing that Clementine isn’t there anymore.

* * *

_1 week later_

“Come on, girls, I need you focused, this has to look perfect by the end of today, we’ve been working on this for too long now!” shouts Christa from the other end of the gymnasium.

Clementine takes a deep breath as she stands on the edge of the mats, briefly shaking out her shoulders in preparation.

Multiple girls sprint across her vision and jump into lines of various cartwheels and flips, all crossing past each other at different times. There are a few other girls waiting on all sides of the floor, departing into the centre one by one.

_‘You were the one person that made me feel like I was actually special.’_

Christa repeatedly counts up to eight in rhythmic time over top of the energetic music.

_‘You actually made me feel like I had something to lose.’_

Clementine exhales slowly, attempting to clear her mind. She sprints across the mats as fast as her body can manage.

She vaults into a roundoff, immediately throwing herself back and landing multiple back handsprings. She ends with a backflip, but stumbles out of the landing. It takes a second to regain her footing, and she immediately despises herself for almost tripping on her own feet.

Clementine _always_ lands her jumps perfectly, so the minute that she doesn’t, everyone notices. _Especially_ Christa.

Eventually, when the music stops and they move on to work on the group stunts, Clementine can practically feel Christa’s eyes just glaring at her specifically the whole time.

She’s lifted into the air by multiple girls, holding her one foot above their heads. Two other groups do the same on either side of them. Christa continues to count in time with their movements, shouting corrections as they go.

_‘You’re just like your father, always doing what you want.’_

Clem’s legs shake as she tries to remain balanced on one foot, and she can already feel her weak knees wanting to give in. She think she hears Christa shout something to her, but she’s so focused on staying upright and in the air that she doesn’t even hear what the woman says.

All she can think about is kissing Sarah, and the way they had yelled at each other that day in the rain. She thinks about her mother spitting insults at her, and Sarah’s dad telling Clem to leave.

_‘Just leave me alone, okay? It’s better that way.’_

Clementine kicks one leg up, holding her foot by her face as if the movements are a ritual. She successfully switches to the other leg, grabbing her foot and extending it behind her. She hops once more, and the girls below her momentarily release her foot so she can spin upright in the air. However, she loses her balance in the process and her landing wavers.

“Come on, Clementine, I know you can do better than that!” shouts Christa from below.

The girls push her back up into the air, recovering before she can fall.

Clem is _never_ this disoriented during practice, but it seems like there are just so many things going on in her mind that she’s all over the place and can hardly focus on what she’s doing. The fact that she’s falling out of movements that should be easy for her by now only makes it more frustrating.

_‘You’re selfish, Clementine. You can’t be grateful for a single thing that I do for you.’_

Taking a deep breath, she forces herself to focus. She kicks her leg to the side once more, pulling it straight in towards her.

The girls below momentarily release her foot and she quickly hops onto the other leg while spinning around at the same time. However she’s unable to regain her balance and ends up falling out of it. They catch her before she hits the ground.

“’Kay, what’s going on over here? Why are we losing focus?”

Clem hops down to the ground as Christa approaches them. The rest of the girls stop from the sudden hold-up.

“You guys are my veterans. You can’t be falling at this point anymore, it’s too late for that,” lectures the woman.

The tears threaten to spill from Clem’s eyes and she wipes them away while Christa only continues to pester them. Hearing the woman constantly tell her what she’s doing wrong does nothing to ease how awful she’d already felt.

“I need you all focused or else we’re just wasting time,” she tells all of them, clearly agitated.

_‘How can I be okay with you kissing me if I’m just gonna end up being nothing?’_

Clem blinks back the tears, forcing herself to stay composed at least until the end of practice. The last thing she wants to do is draw attention to herself right now. She swallows the lump in her throat.

“One more time. From the top.”

* * *

 Clementine lightly touches her fingertips to her cheekbone.

She winces, contorting her face from the sudden flash of pain. She leans in further and examines her face in the mirror. She’d completely covered up the bruise with makeup. It’s healed somewhat, but even after a week it still feels as if she’d just been hit yesterday.

“Clementine.”

The girl jumps, whipping around at the sudden sound of Christa’s voice. She didn’t expect anyone else to still be in the locker room so long after practice.

“I was hoping I’d find you in here,” continues the woman in a bright voice, clearly oblivious to what Clementine had just been doing.

Clem moves to grab her jacket and backpack from the bench, avoiding eye contact. “I was just leaving.”

Christa watches the rushed girl for a moment. “Mind if I talk to you for a minute?”

Clementine stops, becoming anxious from that request. She’s really not in the mood to stay and have a discussion right now after the rough practice she’d just had, but she puts her stuff back down on the bench nevertheless. “Sure,” she mumbles, assuming that’s what Christa wants to talk to her about.

Clementine lowers herself on the bench with slumping shoulders, and Christa takes her time in sitting next to her. It’s completely silent in the room. Despite the clear tension, Clem only continues to stare aimlessly down at the ground in front of her.

“How are you doing?” Christa asks after a while.

“Good,” she lies, trying to sound convincing.

“I saw you crying at practice today,” reveals Christa. She watches the girl’s face fall. “Is everything okay? Usually you’re very energetic out there.”

Clementine sighs, realizing there’s no point in trying to deny it. “Yeah, I’m just… I’m just stressed, that’s all.”

The silence stretches for a few moments, as if there are a million unsaid words between them. “Listen, I know I can be really tough on you sometimes, but I wouldn’t push you so hard if I didn’t believe you could do it,” says Christa, her voice gentle. Clementine isn’t used to hearing her speak in such a way. “You know you’re my best flyer out there, and I just want you to set a good example because I know it’s something you’re capable of.”

“I know, I just…” Clem presses her fingers into her temples, all the frustration from earlier rushing back to her. “I feel like I’m trying to be the best for everyone right now.” Her eyes well up with tears again just from saying the words out loud. “And it’s so hard.” She wipes them away from her cheeks when they fall.

She doesn’t know why she’s trying to hide them anymore. She knows Christa won’t judge her, but she doesn’t become emotional in front of others very often.

“Like who?” asks Christa gently.

“Just… you and—and my parents, and my friend,” she explains, thinking about Sarah again. “Just everyone.”

“Listen, I know high school can be tough,” begins Christa. “Kids can be mean, and… teachers can be a lot to deal with sometimes, too. And I’m sure your coach constantly yelling at you during practice doesn’t make things any better.” She chuckles lightly in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Clementine smirks weakly at that, appreciating her humour despite the circumstances.

“But just because I push you a lot doesn’t mean you should push yourself so much too,” advises the woman. “You should focus on being the best for _you_ right now, not for anyone else. Alright?”

Clem sniffles. She hadn’t expected to her this from Christa, but she knew she needed it from someone, and she knows Christa is right. It feels so good to actually have some sense of release after all this time, especially after feeling like complete shit during practice earlier.

“Yeah. I know,” says Clem. She isn’t sure what else to say.

Christa grins at the young girl, placing a comforting hand on her back. “You can always come to me after practice if you need to talk, okay?”

“Okay,” Clem nods, genuinely appreciating the offer. “Thanks.”

 


End file.
